


The Last Jedi: How It Could Have Happened

by youlovelucie



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Reylo - Freeform, The Last Jedi - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-03-26 02:28:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 35,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13848171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youlovelucie/pseuds/youlovelucie
Summary: An alternate ending to The Last Jedi in which Rey accepts Ben's offer to rule together.  And yes I suck at naming my work so I used a line from Clue.





	1. Part 1

Rey looked down at the gloved hand, open to her, waiting in agony for an answer. His fingers were outstretched and straining, as though even they were desperate for a resolution. “Rey,” he spoke softly, begging in the most terrifying way anyone in his position could have done. “Please.”

It was out of the question. After everything he’d done, she could never…he could never. It wasn’t right. The galaxy wasn’t a kingdom to be ruled over by one person – or in this case, two people – alone. It belonged to no one in the same way it belonged to everyone. It didn’t even belong to the Jedi, Luke had been right about that.

But he’d been wrong about Ben. He’d saved her, fought by her side for her survival, for this, so that they could be a team. He had proven his point, that they were stronger together than they could ever have hoped to be apart. Whatever bond was connecting them, the feeling of being simultaneously pulled and pushed together, was practically tangible. Where it was coming from, she didn’t know, but there was something too heavy to ignore. 

They’d both been so sure that the other would turn, the false future revealing itself to them through thoughts placed in their mind by Snoke, no doubt. But maybe they had both been right. Maybe this was the moment that they’d turn towards each other and create a balance between them. Maybe, together, they would restore not only the balance they’d create for each other, but to the entire galaxy.

“Call it off,” she demanded again.

“Rey – "

Shouting now, she repeated, “Call it off!”

“You’re not – "

“If you want to kill the past, if you truly want to, you’ll call it off, and we’ll start over.” Ben blinked at her, clenching his jaw. She knew that face. He was turning, she could see it. “You can call it off. You can do this better. Ben, **we** can do this better.” She took both of his hands in hers, noticing the slight flinch and sharp inhale at her touch. When was the last time he’d been touched by someone who hadn’t meant to inflict harm? Rey turned her face up to his, searching his eyes. They had seemed so fearsome, so dark, not so long ago. She could see now that she had been wrong, she hadn’t ever really seen them. Behind the darkness, somewhere in the depths of his being, a light shone out, begging to be recognized. “Ben. Please. Call it off.”

His jaw tightened. His bottom lip trembled. Rey’s hand reflexively reached for her lightsaber as Ben suddenly dropped her hands and turned from her. “Hux!” Still unsure of what would happen next, Rey kept her lightsaber at the ready.

The general entered, nearly stopped in his tracks at the carnage, before slowly approaching the two of them. “Ren!” he shouted in his shrill and somehow instantly despicable tone. Rey cringed. She’d never immediately loathed someone as much as she did Hux. “What happened here? Did you let **her** ,” he pointed an accusing finger at Rey, his anger bubbling over and causing him to foam at the mouth, “attack the Supreme Leader?”

In a terrifyingly low tone, Ben threatened, “She and I are more powerful than you or the Supreme Leader could ever imagine. Call off the assault on the Resistance.” 

Hux stared at him, disgusted. “Have you lost your mind?”

“Call off the assault on the Resistance!” Ben repeated in a hissing shout. Rey wanted to reach out to him, to tell him to control his anger, that he would only be a more powerful and better man that way. Not in front of Hux, though. No, she would spare him that embarrassment, which is how Ben would have received her message.

“You will have a mutiny on your hands, Ren, if you let this…this girl, this mere **scavenger** – "

Rey was confused as she watched Hux clutch at his throat, his words strangled in his mouth. Visibly shaking, Hux dropped to his knees. One glance at Ben and she knew what he was doing. No, not Ben. Ben wouldn’t do this. This was the monster that Snoke had created. This was Kylo Ren. Hux was everything evil that she had been fighting against; a man who had never faced any suffering or hardship in his life and therefore believed himself to be superior. He had been plucked from birth to be a ruthless killing machine with no respect for the lives of humans or any other species. But a small part of Rey wanted to believe that even Hux was not beyond changing for the better. Finn had.

Finally, as Hux collapsed to the ground, Rey commanded, “Ben! Stop!”

Almost immediately, the suffering general wheezed in a breath. After some labored inhales, Hux propped himself up on one knee. The message was clear; for the time being, he accepted this new regime change, although Rey (and she was sure Ben as well) could already see the wheels turning in his mind on ways to overthrow them. “This is a new dawn for the First Order,” Ben told him. “You would do well to prepare your men. Now go and stop this assault.” When Hux didn’t move, Ben shouted, “Now!”

The general left the throne room and they watched him go, both of them able to see his rage and the beginning stages of his own rebellion against them. Rey had so much to say, mostly that she was not and would never be joining the First Order. “Not now,” Ben stopped her. “There will be plenty of time to…negotiate. You’re hurt,” he placed a hand on her shoulder.

“So are you,” she noted.

He swallowed, hard, and took her hand in his, bringing it up to the scar on his face. “I’ve had worse wounds.”

Rey felt the fire in her chest she always felt when he was near. It wasn’t always so ferocious, sometimes just smoldering embers. She used to think it was rage. But now…no, it wasn’t rage. “It’s okay,” he had told her. “I feel it, too.”

She shook her head. She didn’t have time for a love story, if that’s what this was, right now. Her friends were dying. Yanking her hand away, she whirled back around to the window Snoke had produced to torture her right before Ben had finished him. Suddenly, the explosions ceased. Her friends, she could tell, were too weak, their ranks too depleted, to launch any attacks of their own. By the way they remained suspended in the air, she guessed they were too weak even to go into hyperdrive and hide away in another corner of the galaxy, somewhere safe. No matter. She’d go to them, explain what had happened, and what was still happening. Well…maybe she’d leave some of it out…

“Tomorrow.”

Rey jumped slightly and turned back around to face Ben. “Don’t do that,” she scolded him. “Don’t do that without my permission.”

Ben took two giant strides over to her. “It’s so strong sometimes,” he nearly whispered, his eyes searching her for…what? Forgiveness? If so, he was going to need to be forgiven for much more than this relatively small offense. “I can’t help it.”

Rey thought back to all those times on the island, when she’d seen him, felt him, knowing that she shouldn’t but unable to break away. He was always there, wasn’t he? She could always see him, too, couldn’t she? 

Tears of frustration, confusion, and fatigue stung her eyes. Yes, he was right. She’d go to them tomorrow, tell General Organa…well, that could wait for tomorrow, too. “You’re tired,” Ben noted. He hadn’t needed to peer inside her mind to see that. He peeled off a glove and, more gently than anyone who had murdered as many people as he had should have reasonably been able to do, tucked a strand of hair that had come loose in the fight behind her ear. “You need to rest. Come with me.”

Rey was always surprised by how efficiently the First Order ran. Not one Storm Trooper stopped to even so much as glance at her. If anyone wondered what she was doing side-by-side with Kylo Ren, they didn’t show it. Her heart tugged as she thought of Finn. It was no wonder that he’d been so desperate to escape this place. He was too bright, too special for their world. But how many others like him were there here? How many other special, unique men and woman were behind those masks? How many artists, writers, explorers, romantics, friends were aboard this ship? But all of that had been thwarted, replaced by a series of letters and numbers, raised and created to serve one, and only one, function. And Ben had been there for all of it, overseeing the operation, calling the shots, murdering the innocents. How could someone like that ignite this fire in her chest, the one she could never put out?

Before she could panic at having very possibly made an incredibly poor – and dangerous – choice, they reached a door which immediately lifted open for Ben. Sleeping quarters, Rey recognized, obviously his. Yes, she wanted to collapse onto the impossibly large, black mattress and sleep for several, uninterrupted hours, but there was something else she wanted first. “Is there a place where I can…um…” she stammered, trying to find a way to ask without immediately conjuring inappropriate images of herself for him. “Where I can clean off?”

“Through there,” he pointed to another door in the corner of the room but averted eyesight, which Rey was glad for. Whatever he might be thinking, she didn’t want to know. “You’ll find everything you need.” Then, he turned back to her, took a step closer, eliminating the gap between them. The flames licked at the base of her throat. “You can rest easy tonight,” he murmured in his dark, low tone. He wanted something, she could feel the pull inside of her, at the pit of her stomach, the yearning of his desires. What was it? “I’ll make sure no harm will come to you.” He moved toward her suddenly, in a way that would have scared her mere hours ago. But there was no malice or vengeance, or even spite in him now. Now he was pure and as his lips connected to her forehead, he showed her how he meant to keep her safe. She saw him, standing outside the door all night, protecting her.

Ben turned and exited the room so suddenly that he left a chill behind. No matter. Rey’s chest was still aflame.


	2. Part 2

If Rey missed anything about Jakku (other than the fact that her life had been significantly less complicated when she’d been there), it was the days and nights. Living in perpetual space could be disorienting. She wasn’t exactly certain how long she’d slept, but from the feeling of satisfaction she had, it had been a decent enough amount of time. She stretched her arms over her head before getting out of bed.

The door lifted open and she saw the back of Ben’s broad shoulders. He turned around to face her. “You slept.”

“Very observant, you are,” Rey smirked up at him. Ben stared at her blankly. “That was a joke.” Not even a blink. “Do you ever smile, Ben? Or laugh?” She thought she’d seen him smile, once, but maybe it had just been her imagination, that whispered ghost of a smile. 

Instead of answering, Ben held his hand out and Rey saw that he had two rectangular foil packages. First Order ration bars, filled with all of the nutrients a solider would need, nothing more and nothing less. It didn’t exactly make Rey’s mouth water, but she was starving so she thanked him and unwrapped one of them. After devouring the first one in practically one bite, she unwrapped the second and, through a mouthful, asserted, “We need a plan.”

“I know. Come with me.” Ben turned back around and headed down the hallway. He’d taken several steps away from her before realizing that she wasn’t following. He stopped walking and slowly turned back around. “Rey?”

“First, stop bossing me around,” she demanded. “We’re a team, together, equal partners. I’m not one of your subordinates.”

“I know that,” he acknowledged with a small nod.

“Then why do you keep telling me to follow you?”

Ben’s jaw and fist clenched, a telltale sign that he was quickly losing patience. “You don’t know your way around this ship,” he explained in a clipped tone.

“I could find my way.” Ben’s eyebrows rose as if to challenge her. He stepped aside and waved his arm past his body, allowing her to prove it by leading the way. Unwilling to admit that he’d called her bluff, Rey stayed put in the door jam. “Second, why do we have to go anywhere?”

His patience wasn’t completely gone because he wasn’t smashing anything, but it was definitely depleting fast. “We need a plan.”

“Why can’t we make the plan here?”

“ **Why** would we do that?” he half-shouted the start of the question.

“I’m not sure, Ben, it can’t possibly be because less exposure means less opportunity for someone to shoot me.”

“They won’t try anything if they see you with me.”

“Hux and Phasma might. He was already planning how to overthrow us before he even left the throne room.”

Again, in a half-shout Ben responded, “I know!” Rey crossed her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow at him. He took a deep breath. “They’re not going to try anything today. We have to make a strategy in a place where it looks like we’re planning an attack on the Resistance. We have to make it seem like you’re one of us.”

“I’m not one of you.”

Okay, **now** he was smashing things. With an animalistic roar he threw his fist into the wall, sending sparks flying everywhere. “Don’t do that!” Rey shouted, feeling kind of stupid that she even had to give this instruction.

Ben pointed an accusing finger at her, yanking his other fist out of the wall. “You’re trying my patience on purpose!”

“I’m **trying** not to get killed!”

The way he took just a few strides towards her, so there was barely even an inch between them, and towered over her used to be threatening. Now that she knew him better, it didn’t quite have the same effect. Rey reminded herself that she had watched him kill Han Solo, his own father, in cold blood. It wouldn’t be wise not to take him seriously, at least a little. “I killed Snoke for you,” he pointed out to her. He didn’t have to finish the thought. If he could kill Snoke to protect her, and then fight off all of his guards with her, then he certainly wouldn’t let a mere storm trooper, or even Hux or Phasma, cause her harm.

She gave him a once over, not wanting to let on that she’d been immediately convinced. “Well. Go on then. Lead the way.” Letting out a short, relieved exhale through his nose, Ben turned again and started walking. He was so tall she had to practically jog to keep up, which she didn’t want him to see, thus making the whole process even more difficult. “You know, you can’t keep using that for the rest of time. ‘Rey, take the rubbish to the shoot, I killed Snoke for you.’ ‘Rey, make the bed, I killed Snoke for you.’” Ben didn’t stop walking or even stumble a little bit, but she did notice the slightest of twitches in his right hand. It was his equivalent reaction to the flush that was blooming under her cheeks. She had, after all, just accidentally implied that they’d be sharing a bed. Quick, think of something else. “‘Rey, fetch me my stupid, ugly mask, I killed Snoke for you.’”

This time Ben did stop walking, but only because they’d reached the room he’d been taking them to. As she passed by him to enter he turned to face her and wrapped his fingers around her arm. “I destroyed the mask.”

“I know,” Rey told him. “It was another joke.”

With a completely blank, flat stare Ben responded, “It was funny.”

He let go of her and Rey entered the room. It looked similar to the room she’d been in with General Organa when they’d finally been able to figure out where Luke was, only the opposite. The glowing blue maps on the walls were tracking Resistance bases, attempting to trace possible paths to Luke (although she was relieved to find that no one but Ben seemed to have figured it out), plans of attack against her friends. In the center was what General Organa would have used to pull up an image of the Star Killer Base. With the wave of a hand, Ben threw up an image of the Resistance fleet, as they were now still apparently unable to get away. She must have looked horrified because she felt Ben’s stare trained on her before he tried to reassure her, “The attack has stopped.”

“For now,” Rey muttered under her breath.

“Well?” Ben prompted her. “You’re so certain that you can change things, that you can **save** me.” He said the word “save” as though even the thought disgusted him. 

“You don’t need me to save you,” Rey corrected him.

“I don’t need to be saved **at all**!” he emphasized the last words with his familiar, angry shout.

They’d have to work on that, too. “Let’s put a pin in that for now, shall we? What I’m suggesting has nothing to do with that anyway.”

“Then what **are** you suggesting?” he all but seethed.

Rey had to think carefully about how she phrased this. Ben would never be like her; he craved control, power. She couldn’t ask him to change in that way, to completely alter who he was at his core. Besides, the whole point was to balance each other in order to balance the Force. If they were one in the same the plan wouldn’t even work. So she had to word this carefully to convince him to come along. “You instruct them all to stop fighting, tell them that the war is over and that the next phase is to negotiate peace.”

“Negotiate peace?” he asked, once again obviously disgusted. “The First Order would never settle for peace. The point is complete submission to us by the entire galaxy.”

“Right, galactic domination, I know,” she rolled her eyes.

“Only because it’s achievable!” he countered, growing agitated once more. “The combination of the Supreme Leader, Hux, and I was more powerful than the entire Resistance, than the entire galaxy!”

“And yet we were able to destroy your Star Killer Base completely,” Rey calmly pointed out. “Besides, as you so helpfully reminded me, you killed Snoke. So it’s just you and Hux now, if you wanted to keep up with it, or you and me if you don’t.” 

“Or the three of us if you would join us,” he muttered bitterly.

Rey raised her eyebrows. “And here I was, thinking you wanted to kill the past and move forward.”

Having no smart response back, Ben ignored the comment. “So what are you saying? That I should go out there and tell everyone to go home? That’s an excellent way to get killed.”

“There’s nothing they can do to us when we’re together, Ben, you know that.”

“So you admit it. You admit that we’re more powerful than them.”

“We’re more powerful than most people, I’ve never disputed that. But that doesn’t mean that we get to own them or make them bend to our will so that we can possess them like slaves! That’s what happened to Darth Vader and look how he turned out.”

Ben snapped. “Don’t bring up my own grandfather to me!”

“I’ll bring him up however often as I have to for you to get it through your thick skull that he’s not someone to be admired!” Before he could argue more with her on this, she gave him a taste of what he wanted to hear. “We are superior to them in that way, you’re right. And we still will be without owning them.”

“And you expect Hux, or Phasma, or the rest of my soldiers to willingly lay down their arms and go about their lives?”

Rey nodded. “Some of them, yes. I even think that some of them will join us, if they can escape.”

“Like your friend, the traitor.”

“His name is Finn, and yes, like him. I don’t expect it to go smoothly or be easy, or even quick.”

Ben paused, the realization of what she was saying dawning on him. “You want me to fight with the **Resistance**?”

“I want you to fight for peace!” Rey corrected him. “The Resistance doesn’t fight to rule, they never have! All they want is to be free, for everyone to be free. They’ll be fighting for **us** , Ben, so that we can achieve what we’re destined for.”

“Which is what?”

“Balance. To restore balance to the Force, and to the galaxy.”

“And how would we do that?”

Wringing her hands, Rey finally had to admit, “Well…I hadn’t exactly figured that part out yet.” Then, annoyed, she added, “But hey! I’ve come up with everything so far! You think of something!”

Ben paused, silently mulling it over. Instead of offering a second part of the plan, when he spoke next it was to insist, “You need me just as much as I need you, if you want balance.”

Rey blinked, surprised that he was openly admitting that he needed her. He’d said it in a million different ways but never outright like that. “I never thought I didn’t.”

“You did. In the woods. I offered to teach you. You…” He paused again, trying to think of a better way of saying that she’d kicked his ass. Finally, he settled on, “You had other ideas.”

With a shrug she responded, “Well then I guess I’ve changed my mind. Did you have a point?”

“We’ll have to be together.” Rey nearly choked on her own saliva. Noticeably flustered (it may have been subtler to anyone who wasn’t Rey), Ben hastily added, “To work together, to be near each other.” Rey let out a sigh of relief and waited for the rest of his plan. “We’ll have to go back to Ahch-To.”

Rey shook her head. “No, Ben, I could never ask you to go back there, back to Luke.”

“You’re not asking. And Luke is getting older.”

Amused, Rey asked, “So you’re only comfortable going back because you think Luke will die soon?”

Ben looked up and away from her, averting his eyesight. “Not that soon.” Before Rey could tell him just exactly how heartless this was, he continued. “We need to be there, to be at the epicenter of the Force. It’s where we’ll be the most powerful. From there we’ll be able to have the strongest connection to the Force, and to each other. We’ll be able to sense any disturbances, if the scales start to tip. That way we can go to where the imbalance is and fix it.” Rey knew what he meant. They’d keep people like Hux in line if anyone tried to get hostile. “And if we stay in one place, if anyone is in trouble, they’ll know where to find us.”

Rey couldn’t stop the smile that was slowly stretching over her face. “I love it.” Ben gave her a nod but still…she felt something unresolved in him. There was that longing again, so strong she felt it without trying. “But Ben,” she reached out to him, taking his hands in hers, “it won’t work if it’s not truly what you want. I can’t do it if you’re not sure.”

“I am sure,” he insisted.

“There’s something you’re not saying,” she shook her head. “There’s something you need.”

“You told me not to try and see inside you without your permission. I expected the same courtesy.”

“I’m sorry. It’s just like you said, sometimes it’s so strong.” He didn’t respond. “Ben, whatever it is, you can tell me.” She tried to consider what it could possibly be. “Is it because of your mother? Are you afraid to see her?”

“It’s none of your concern. It has nothing to do with the future.”

He was lying, but Rey figured that getting into his head against his will wasn’t the best way to instill trust. She dropped the subject. “Okay. I should go let the others know what’s going on.”

He gripped her hands tighter, unwilling to let her go. “I’ll come with you.”

“You randomly showing up on a Resistance ship? **That’s** an excellent way to get killed,” she repeated his own words back to him. And then, right through her like a shot, she felt his fear. “What are you afraid of?” she asked, searching his eyes for an answer.

Ben’s jaw clenched. He swallowed and opened himself to her, pushing his fears to the forefront of his mind. 

Rey saw him, younger, on Ahch-To. His father and Chewbacca stood in the background, waiting patiently. His mother placed her hands on his shoulders, leaning down so they were face to face. “Don’t be afraid, my boy. Your father and I love you very much. We’ll see you again soon.” Then Rey saw the Flacon flying away. He hadn’t seen them soon. He hadn’t seen either of them again until his father had confronted him and by then, it was too late.

Her surroundings changed from the past to the future. She was on the Resistance ship, talking with Finn and General Organa. She looked back to where she’d just come from, where she’d just been with him, and then to the others with a steadfast nod. She was agreeing to stay with them, to not return to Ben. 

The ache in her chest made her gasp. She reached up, taking his face in her hands. “No! Ben, no. I’m not leaving you.” He was still unconvinced. “I’m worried about you here alone, too. I’m afraid that they’ll try to harm you, that they’ll take advantage of us being separated.”

Ben scoffed. “They’re not that smart.”

Rey ignored the snark. “But I’m not afraid that you’ll abandon me.”

“I wouldn’t,” he agreed, taking her hands. She could feel his own shaking. “I won’t.”

“Promise me you’ll call on me if you need me.” Ben nodded before pressing his forehead against hers, subconsciously furthering his promise. Again, tears of confusion and frustration stung her eyes. “You’ll never be alone Ben, ever again.”

“Neither will you.”

Rey lifted his hands to her lips, kissed his fingers. She’d never done that to anyone before in her entire life, she just instinctively knew she should do it to him now, that it would comfort him. “I’ll be right back.”

As she made her way back to the pod that would send her back up to the Falcon where Chewie and Artoo were waiting for her, Rey worried that Ben was still unconvinced. But he’d believe her soon enough, when she **did** come back. For now, she had bigger problems, like trying to figure out how she was going to break the news to the Resistance without sounding like she’d gone completely insane…


	3. Part 3

It was more than clear, as Ben watched Rey walk away, why Snoke had wanted to rid him of any and all attachments. They were inconvenient at the very least, and an extreme vulnerability at the worst. Watching her go made his stomach pull and his chest hurt, and that annoyed him. But it didn’t annoy him that she let him touch her, or kiss her forehead last night. It didn’t annoy him that she’d touched him back, kissed his fingers, tried so hard to get him to believe her. Ben clenched his teeth until they hurt, knowing that the Resistance would never let her leave, knowing that he should have gone with her, knowing that he was right, and…

He cut the thought. What was done, was done. It would be easy enough to fight off the Resistance if they had to, for him to get her back. After Snoke and his guards they could fight off anyone. As Ben made to go back to his quarters, he thought about how it had felt to fight with her, back to back, what a strong and powerful team they’d made, all the times they’d saved each other, and how his thigh still burned from where she’d grabbed it.

He had reached his room and started to undress, preparing to take a shower, when he began to silently fume. It was ridiculous that Rey even had to leave, that they had to justify their partnership to anyone at all. They could take on anyone or anything and if they challenged him he didn’t see why he couldn’t just – _Ow!_

Ben blinked at first, not quite understanding what had happened. When his vision became unblurry, he realized that he’d walked into the showerhead. It adjusted itself to the height of the person using it. It was at the optimal height for Rey. Because Rey had used his shower. Ben rubbed his nose and turned the water on. The showerhead lifted and he stepped in, the soapy water raining down on him.

_“Rey, make the bed, I killed Snoke for you.”_

_“We have to be together.”_

Both of them had made the same mistake, implying that there was more to the partnership than power and the Force. If there was, they’d have to deal with it after they got to Ahch-To. They couldn’t afford to keep touching…and possibly kissing each other, just as an expression of…what was it, affection? Whatever it was, he was certain it would cause no harm if he just thought about her in the shower…when he was alone…

Ben got out of the shower and dried off, feeling just a fraction of relief and more tired that he had before. There was no time for rest. He got dressed and attached his cape. He had to keep up the façade that he and Rey were going to rule the First Order together, which meant that he had to find Hux. He didn’t think the general believed him that Rey had turned, but he at least had to try to keep up appearances. Plus, as long as Hux was in front of him, Ben could get a read on what he was planning to do to them, and when.

It didn’t take him long to find Hux going over potential battle plans with a group of pilots, the window of the ship stretched out in front of them, overlooking the Resistance fleet. “General.” When Hux stood up and looked at Ben, he was able to read him quickly. There was nothing solid; he and Phasma only had some vague idea of having to take Rey by surprise, to slowly warn the First Order that Kylo Ren was no longer to be trusted. Thankfully, he didn’t know when, or how. Ben just had to make sure that whatever happened, Rey was back for it.

“What were you thinking, letting the girl go?”

“ _Rey_ ,” Ben corrected him, “is going to warn the Resistance that there is no use fighting us any longer, that we have become even more powerful than ever before.”

“There was already no use in fighting us!”

“But they still were!” Kylo Ren shouted back. “Rey is going to ensure that we get complete and total surrender, that the Resistance will no longer exist!” Then, in a lower, more serious tone he took a step closer to Hux. The fear flickered behind the general’s eyes – just for an instant, but it did. “And if you try to interfere with our new leadership, General, it will end very poorly, and very painfully, for you.”

Hux swallowed. “Phasma has a prisoner locked away.”

“Who?”

“A defector or something, she said.”

Ben nodded and turned around to make his way to where Phasma was keeping the prisoner. Behind him he heard Hux mutter, “A defector on the first day of the new regime. This plan is working already.”

Ben threw his hand out behind him, relishing the sound of the crash as Hux hit the floor.

He didn’t immediately go the brig. Without thinking of it, he instead turned into an empty room, made sure the door was locked behind him, and tried to find Rey. It wasn’t until she appeared before him that he realized he had nothing to say, he just thought it would stop the irritating ache in his chest. 

“Ben, you _cannot_ be serious. I haven’t even made it back to the Resistance.”

“Are you on the Falcon?”

“Yes.”

“Do you know what you’re going to tell them?”

Rey narrowed her eyes at him. “Well I was thinking about it, but I got interrupted.”

Ben ignored her, mostly out of embarrassment. Was he just supposed to tell her…what? That he felt bad when she was gone? That he was warmer when she was with him? He didn’t even know how to say that, how to do that. “Are you going to tell them about this? That we can do this?”

Rey shrugged. “I don’t see a way around it. How did I come to be in front of Snoke in the first place? Besides, I think it makes you look softer.” Immediately realizing her accidental insult, Rey attempted to cover her tracks. “I think it’s endearing!”

“You only think it’s endearing because it happened with you.”

For some reason, this made her blush, but he didn’t know why. “Well I’m not going to lie to them. I’m not good at it.”

“I know,” Ben quickly agreed, and Rey smiled.

What he was feeling right now – the tightening in his chest, the nagging frustration – was that…was that missing someone? He hadn’t felt that in years. “Did you need something, Ben? I should try and think of how this is going to go.”

“They’re going to try to make you stay.”

Rey nodded. “I know. But I won’t. And I’ll tell you that hundreds of times, thousands of times, _millions_ of times until you believe me. Whatever happens, Ben, if anything ever separates us, we’ll always find a way back to each other. It’s our destiny. As long as we’re apart, we’ll never feel…we’ll never feel…”

Ben completed her sentence. “Whole.”

“Yes,” Rey agreed. “Whole.” She looked down, cleared her throat, shifted from one foot to the other. Had he made her uncomfortable? Wasn’t that what she’d meant in the first place? “Do you want to be there with me? When I tell them? You can see what I say, make sure I don’t leave anything out?”

Ben shook his head. “I shouldn’t. I have to go. Phasma captured someone. She’s holding them in a cell.”

“Okay. Just…don’t torture them.” Ben raised an eyebrow and Rey squirmed. “Or, torture them the least amount you need to. Oh, and don’t do the choking thing!” she added.

“I won’t,” Ben assured her, and turned away to end the connection. He felt the muscles in his face twitch. Why? Why as soon as she was gone did he suddenly feel so…so…heavy? So empty? How could he even be feeling both of those things at the same time? And why her? What was so special about her? Nothing! Absolutely nothing, she was just a girl. By now, though, Ben had learned to stop fighting it. There was no point in wasting more time asking those questions. 

Frustrated and just shy of enraged, he stalked down to the cells where Phasma was keeping watch over the prisoner. If they were trying to defect, they might be the kind of person Rey thought would come with them, when the time came. He had already planned what he’d tell Phasma when he made it clear that he wasn’t going to torture them.

For the most part, at this point Ben knew not to act surprised by anything, so he didn’t stop for even a fraction of a second when he saw that the prisoner wasn’t a defector. He was a traitor. FN-2187. There was a girl with him, an older man, and the droid he’d been looking for on Takodana. “I see you have captured the traitor, Captain.”

“I found him sneaking around with this rebel scum,” she gestured to the girl. 

Ben turned to them, looked at FN-2187, and felt his heart start a slow, stinging sear. “You’re in luck. No harm will come to you. Yet.” 

In an effort to pretend to be brave, both he and the girl asked for no more explanation. FN-2187 clutched at the bars of the cell. “No matter what you do to us, we’ll never tell you anything.”

“I don’t need anything from you,” Ben told him. “That man is a codebreaker. The droid has the tools. You were looking for where our signal is coming from that allows us to follow you even through hyperspace.” He paused, tried to peer deeper than the surface. “But that’s not how it started, is it? You were trying to save Rey.”

“Don’t you say her name!” FN-2187 shouted. “You don’t even deserve to _think_ about her!”

Ben looked deeper, saw FN-2187 smile at Rey, hug Rey, risk his life for Rey. Smoke started to flare up in his chest. He welcomed it, the anger. It was familiar. “She doesn’t need you to save her,” Kylo Ren hissed at the traitor. “She’s more powerful than you could ever imagine.”

“If you hurt her I’ll – “

“You will do nothing!” Kylo shouted. “No, you will stand by and watch, as she and I join together as one, to lead the First Order.”

The traitor’s face flashed with uncertainty, with fear. “She would never join you.”

“She already has!” Kylo insisted, shaking the cell bars. “She has joined with me to fulfill our destiny!”

“You’re lying!” the girl shouted.

Kylo snarled at them. “You’re not important enough to lie to. Right now, Rey is on her way to the Resistance to tell them that all hope is lost, that they should surrender or else she and I together will destroy them.”

FN-2187 shook his head. “No. _No_! What did you do to her?”

Kylo paused, turned his head to the side, saw how the traitor felt. “You feel an affection for her. You have chased her all around the galaxy, trying to save her.” The traitor said nothing, just clenched his jaw. The more Kylo looked, the angrier he got. Instinctively, he activated his lightsaber, nearly cutting through the entire cell. “Forget your pathetic fantasies – she belongs to me now!” He held up the hand that wasn’t holding his lightsaber, pushing his thoughts towards the traitor. He showed him how she’d let him kiss her forehead, how she’d gently kissed his fingertips today.

FN-2187 backed away from the bars. “This isn’t happening. That’s not true. That’s not true, you bastard!”

Kylo turned back to Phasma. “Don’t let them out of your sight.”

“Yes, sir.”

He stopped at the bottom of the steps and turned back to her. “And if you hurt them before Rey has had a chance to get to them, we will both be very, very angry.” He stalked back up the stairs then, the stinging in his chest infecting every vein in his body. How could a traitor, a coward like FN-2187 ever think that Rey would be with _him_? She was meant to be with Ben! It was their destiny, she’d said it so herself!

Before he could stop himself, Ben had slashed his lightsaber through the wall and let out a roar. Two troopers turned the corner, just as he was yanking the blade out of the wall. He turned to them. “Clean this up!”

Ben stormed to the next room he saw, the infirmary, and ordered everyone to leave. He closed his eyes and summoned Rey. “You have to come back. Now.”

“I know,” she nodded. Then, turning from him, she addressed someone he couldn’t see. “To Ben! I told you, I can see him this way! And he is telling me that something very bad is about to happen and that I need to go back and help him. And if you don’t let me, he will come here and he will get me and he will be a lot less nice about it than I’m being.” There was a pause before Rey let out a breath and turned to Ben. “I’m coming. See? I told you. I’m coming back to you.”

Ben disappeared from her, leaned against the wall and held himself up. She was coming back to him. It couldn’t be soon enough.


	4. Part 4

As soon as Rey had gotten back on the Flacon, Chewie and Artoo began interrogating her at the same time. “Don’t you two start. I’ll tell you what happened when we get back to the Resistance and I tell the others.” At Artoo’s annoyance at having to wait, Rey told him, “I’m going to have to tell everyone there anyway, and I’d rather just tell the whole story once.” The truth was that she didn’t quite know how much she was going to divulge yet. 

Almost immediately, she felt Ben calling on her, although he didn’t seem to have a reason. In fact, he looked a little startled, or lost. As soon as he asked if she was going to tell them about their ability to contact one another like this, Rey could tell that he didn’t want her to. He probably thought that it made him look weak, that it exposed a vulnerability in him. Rey sort of agreed with him but she actually thought that might help their cause.

She wasn’t incredibly surprised that she had to tell him again that she’d come back. Since the first time she’d seen him – truly seen him – she’d been able to recognize how scared he was. And she truly didn’t mind having to tell him over and over. Besides, her reassurances were working. She could tell because Ben was obviously becoming less afraid of opening up to her, especially when she’d struggled for the word to describe how they felt when they were together. Ben had come up with the answer. “Whole.”

Rey felt her throat dry up at the same time as her eyes stung with tears. Why? Why was she always so surprised by them? Why couldn’t she properly place the reason she was reacting this way, the feeling she had? She looked down, tried to clear her throat and blink away her tears. The truth was that she probably already knew why their connection meant so much to her. Ben did. He’d been able to see if the first time they’d truly met. “You’re so lonely,” he’d told her, and he’d been right. But so was he.

Chewie told Rey that they were approaching the Resistance ship and she felt her stomach churn. She knew that she and Ben were right, that they had to join together and restore the balance, but she wasn’t expecting this conversation to go well. More than anything, Rey feared General Organa’s reaction.

She didn’t have to worry about it immediately, however, because as soon as she got off the Falcon the general wasn’t one of the two people who rushed over to her. The woman, who was at least several inches taller than the pilot at her side, took her by the shoulders. “Rey. You’re okay. That’s a relief to us all.”

“What was it like to train with Luke Skywalker?”

“You must have had the education of a lifetime.”

“Does he really only have one hand?”

“I’m fine,” Rey answered before turning to the pilot. “He’s got two, just one’s robotic. I’m sorry, but who are you?”

The tall woman gave her a sympathetic smile. “Of course, I forget we’ve never met, I’ve heard so much about you. I’m Vice Admiral Holdo.”

Rey nodded a greeting at her and the Pilot introduced himself. “Poe Dameron.”

“Oh!” she exclaimed, recognition dawning on her. “The pilot! Finn’s friend.” Poe confirmed that she was right before Rey started looking around. “Where is Finn?”

Poe opened his mouth to start telling her, but the woman answered first. “That’s a bit of a long story.”

Rey suddenly felt more uneasy than she had before. “And General Organa?”

“She’s resting. She was injured in one of the First Order assaults. I’ll go tell her you’re here. Poe, take Rey to a secure location. Whatever she’s going to tell us remains confidential for now.”

Holdo turned to go to the general’s quarters and Rey started to follow Poe. Behind her, Chewie and Artoo protested, reminding her that she’d promised to tell them, too. “You’ll learn in time, it’s not up to me!” She did feel a little guilty about the accidental lie, but if there was anyone who wasn’t going to be open to this idea, it would be Chewie.

Poe locked the operations room door behind them before asking, “So what was Luke Skywalker like?”

Rey thought about her answer carefully before settling on, “Not as nice as you’d think.”

“Really? Huh. Well, I guess watching your father die and your nephew go on a murdering spree will leave a guy jaded.”

“I imagine so. Where is Finn?” Holdo was obviously reluctant to tell her for some reason, and from just the short amount of time that she’d known him Rey could tell that Poe would be less willing to go along with any rules or orders. 

Poe let out a sigh. “Well, we don’t really know. He was trying to get to you but instead this girl, Rose – “

“Who?”

“I don’t know, some mechanic or something. She’s not the most social person. You probably never met her but I guess she’s important now or something. Anyway she stopped him and the two of them came up with this plan to try and find someone to break the code that the First Order was using to follow us through hyperspace. So we talked to Maz and she said they should go to – “

“Rey!” General Organa let out in a relieved sigh.

Rey threw her arms around the general, making sure not to squeeze too hard. It was clear that whatever damages she’d suffered had been quite serious. When Rey pulled away and looked into her eyes, the eyes of a mother’s wisdom and love, her fears about telling any of them vanished. Suddenly, she was bubbling with excitement. “General, it was the most amazing thing, you’ll never believe what’s happened.”

“I’m sure it was. My brother is an unbelievably strong Jedi.”

“Oh, no. Not that part. That part was actually…not good.”

Slowly and carefully, the general sat. “Well? Go on.”

Rey explained to them what had happened when she’d reached Ahch-To, about how Luke had at first refused to train her, how he’d come around only because he wanted to show her why the Jedi should be no more. The three of them seemed just as surprised by this reaction as she had been. Then, wringing her hands and feeling her stomach flip and her heart stumble, she turned to the general. “And then, the most wonderful thing started to happen. I can’t explain it. Snoke said it was him but we can still do it so that can’t have been right.”

“You saw Snoke?” Poe asked.

General Organa held a hand up to him. “What was it, Rey, that started happening?”

Rey dropped down next to her, overly excited to tell her news of her son. “Ben and I, we started to…to see each other.”

There was a deadly silent pause before Poe broke it with a simple, “Um… _what_?”

“We started to see each other,” she repeated. “And we could talk, and…and touch,” she coughed out. “And he told me everything that happened with him and Luke, before he’d gone to the First Order.”

“What did happen?” the general asked.

Rey bit down on her bottom lip. “You mean…you don’t know?”

General Organa shook her head. “Only that he left, took with him the ones who would go, and…got rid of the rest.”

Okay, this part was going to be hard. Rey stood and started pacing back and forth. The more she thought about it, though, the easier it was to tell them the truth. All that Luke had told Ben’s own mother was the part he wanted them to hear, the part he’d tried to tell her before Ben had told her what had really happened. He’d conveniently left out the part when a scared boy awoke in the middle of the night to find his uncle standing over him, ready to strike. “Luke got it wrong. He had a moment of…he was confused. We’ve all got it wrong. Ben isn’t evil, not really. He’s…he’s just stubborn, and he’s frightened of almost everything,” she let out a small laugh. “He’s not gone, not completely. There is still light in him, you know it’s true,” she appealed to the general.

“Oh please! He’s lying!” Poe insisted.

“He’s not!” Rey countered. “And I can prove it!”

In an obvious effort to try and calm everyone, Holdo gently asked, “Rey, how do you know that he and Snoke aren’t just playing tricks with your mind?”

Rey relished the opportunity to finally play her hand. “Because Snoke is dead. Ben killed him for me, to protect me. And then he and I together fought off all of Snoke’s guards. It was…I’ve never felt anything like it. I asked him to call off the assault, and he did, and we decided that we have to restore balance to the Force.”

The room stayed so silent for so long that Rey started to feel uncomfortable. Eventually, Poe spoke up. “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

“Poe,” Holdo interrupted him in a warning tone.

Angrier, Poe repeated, “You’ve gotta be _kidding_ me! He’s obviously lying to you, Rey! He’s going to try and turn you, and from the sounds of it, get you naked!”

The general held up a hand. “Poe, please don’t talk about my son getting people naked.” Poe muttered an apology and General Organa turned back to Rey. “How do you two plan on going about restoring balance to the Force?”

“Well, he’s going to leave the First Order and come with us,” she started.

The three women all collectively ignored Poe’s declaration of, “Over my dead body!”

“We’re going to defeat the First Order, hopefully with as little conflict as possible. When a peace has been reached, he and I will go back to Ahch-To so we can be at the center of the Force. That way in case anyone threatens to disturb the balance we’ll be able to find them and stop them.”

Again, Poe broke into the conversation, seemingly to imply that Rey wasn’t smart enough to know that she was being lied to. “See! He wants to get you alone together, on a romantic island, so he can fu – “

Before he could get too graphic, Rey yelled back at him, “We wouldn’t be alone, Luke is still there!” She was most certainly aware that this was not the point, but she didn’t want to hear the end of Poe’s hypothesis. With a deep breath, Rey sat back down next to the general, appealing to her once again. “You know I’m right.”

General Organa placed a palm on Rey’s knee. “I want to believe that you’re right, Rey. I want to be able to tell you that if there is even a fraction of a chance that you can save my son to please, do anything, do whatever you can to bring him back to me.” Her eyes rimmed with red and she shook her head before continuing. “But I can’t be impartial on this matter. It has to be up to Admiral Holdo.”

“And me,” Poe demanded. “I’m in charge here, too, you know.”

“He’s not,” Holdo corrected him, shooting a glare in his direction.

Almost at the same time, General Organa also told Rey, “He’s not.”

“Oh, come on! We’ve both been leading since you’ve been in recovery!”

“You started a mutiny!” Holdo explained, and Rey’s eyes widened. How long had she been gone?

“Yeah, and it was a successful one! It should be up to us both, 50/50.”

The general gave him a flat stare. “70/30.”

“ _What_?”

“Do you want it to be 80/20?”

Poe muttered something (most likely unflattering) under his breath and Holdo closed her eyes, trying to filter out the background noise and think of an answer. Rey hated being hung in suspense. She wanted to get back to Ben. _No, not want. Need._ She had to correct her own thought. This had nothing to do with what she wanted, with her own feelings and opinions and choices and desires. This wasn’t up to her. She was only doing what was necessary for the good of the galaxy.

Finally, after an agonizingly long wait, Admiral Holdo blinked her eyes open. “Rey has proven to us all that she is strong, that she is smart, and that she is more than capable. If she trusts this plan, and Kylo Ren, then I am willing to trust her.”

Rey let out a relieved sigh and noted that the general did the same. “Fine,” Poe spat. “It’ll be your funeral when he comes here, and _kills us all_!”

Ben was by her side then. “You have to come back, now.”

She turned to him and nodded. “I know.”

“Look!” Poe gestured to her. “She’s crazy! Who are you talking to there, huh Rey?”

“To Ben!” she snapped. “I told you, I can see him this way, and he is telling me that something very bad is about to happen and that I need to go back and help him. And if you don’t let me, he will come here, and he will get me, and he will be a lot less nice about it than I’m being.” Poe just rolled his eyes and Holdo nodded. Rey turned back to Ben and reached up, touching the side of his face that she’d scarred. “I’m coming. See? I told you. I’m coming back to you.”

Ben took her hand, squeezed it, and disappeared. A deep blush rose to her face when she turned to the others. She hadn’t meant for them to see. It was too intimate for anyone else to have seen. Holdo had politely looked away, and the general was clearly trying to see what Rey could or to at least understand what was happening, but Poe was just staring in disbelief. “Right,” he slowly, sarcastically let out. “And this has nothing to do with se-“

“Dameron! I swear if you say one more word I will have you demoted to sanitation!” General Organa stared him down, making sure he knew she was serious. “Now leave us. I want to speak with Rey alone.”

When the others had left, Rey turned back to the general. “I wish I could explain it better. I can hardly understand it myself. It’s like…when we’re together, we make each other so much better, so much stronger. It’s like the Force – everything in me and around me is telling me that we need to be…to work together.” Rey felt the tears start to come back. She wanted so badly for someone to understand why she was doing this. “Our whole lives we’ve both felt so alone. We were just…out there, searching for each other. And now that we’ve found each other, we can finally be…whole.”

The general gave her a knowing smile. “I remember that feeling. I had it with his father.”

“Oh, no,” Rey shook her head. “It’s not…I wouldn’t even know how to be like that, how to do that.”

“Believe me, when the time comes, it’ll happen naturally.”

If Rey had been blushing mere minutes ago, it was nothing compared to the burning on her cheeks now. “I didn’t mean – “

“I know," the general nodded with a good-natured smile. "But you do care for each other, very much. I don’t need the Force to see that.” She leaned forward and whispered a plea. “Please, bring my boy back to me.”

“I will,” Rey vowed before getting up to return to the Falcon.

“Oh, and Rey,” the general called after her. She turned around. “When you see him, tell him…tell him that I felt him. Tell him I know he couldn’t do it.”

Rey nodded, although she didn’t know what General Organa meant, and started her sprint towards the Falcon. When she caught sight of Poe, however, she stopped in her tracks. “Poe! Wait, tell me, where’s Finn?”

“Ask your boyfriend,” Poe glowered at her in disgust. “Last we heard he and Rose had found the codebreaker and were on their way to their First Order ship. But they should have been back by now.”

The prisoner Phasma had taken, Ben’s warning that she had to get back. This was what it was about. “Where are you going?” she asked. “When you can get back into hypserspace, where are you going?” Poe kept his lips clamped together and looked away. Rey grabbed him by the shoulders, squeezed as hard as she could. “Tell me where you’re going!”

“Crait!” Poe shouted back, tearing himself out of her grip. “We’re going to an old Rebel base on Crait.”

Rey took a deep breath. “Thank you.” She got Chewie and got back to the Falcon as quick as she could. She needed to get back to Ben before it was too late.


	5. Part 5

“The girl has returned,” Hux told Ben as he was inspecting their ranks. It was a perfectly routine walk through, but Ben had ulterior motives this time. How many of them, exactly, were there? In how many of them could he sense doubt or unrest? 

Not looking up from his task, Ben answered, “I’m aware. Certainly this isn’t cause for alarm. She’s joined us now, there’s no need to monitor her.”

“Is that wise, Ren?”

“Of course it is,” Ben shot him a glare. “Are you unable to keep up with our new regime change, General?”

When Hux got angry his whole face spasmed and, secretly, Ben found it amusing. “No, only unable to keep up with your sudden and complete absence of judgment.”

Ben stopped pacing up and down the ranks and turned to him. “I’d be careful if I were you, General. Your envy is as pathetic as it is palpable.” Before Hux could think of a response, Ben left him angry and sputtering in front of his subordinates.

Assuming Rey would check his quarters first, he headed in that direction. They nearly crashed into each other quickly taking a corner. Rey checked to make sure no one was watching before she stood on her toes and threw her arms around his shoulders. Ben felt his entire body become completely rigid. What was this? What was she doing? It would have felt like an assault if it wasn’t so warm, if he couldn’t smell her skin - like a forest and slightly of the ocean. Was he supposed to hold her back? Could she smell his skin? 

She pulled away with a small smile, looking up at him through her eyelashes. “So far you’re not very good at smiling or hugging. Don’t worry, we’ll work on it.” When Ben said nothing (and, he assumed, continued to look confused), Rey explained, “I’m just glad to see you, Ben. It’s not a crime. Don’t look!” she pointed an accusing finger at him.

Ben held his hands up. “I’m not!”

“You were, you were trying to see how it went. Just ask me.”

“We don’t have time,” he changed the subject.

“You’re right, I know,” Rey agreed.

“They have your friend.”

“I know.”

“We make it seem like a public execution, then we can fight them off together.”

“I know.”

“I already told some of the others to prepare the command shuttle so we can leave quickly.”

“I know.”

Ben blinked before pointing a finger back at her. “You looked!”

“I didn’t, I swear!” Rey argued. “I was just thinking about it on my way back!” At Ben’s scrutinizing stare, Rey rolled her eyes. “We don’t have time. Where’s Finn?”

“This way.” He started walking quickly, trying to stay in front of her. If she could see him, she’d be able to tell that things hadn’t gone well with her friends. Well, in Ben’s opinion they’d gone perfectly fine. He hadn’t hurt the traitor or his companions, he’d hardly even threatened them. But Rey was just so damn good she wouldn’t accept anything less than Ben letting them roam free amongst the First Order ranks, taking notes to send back to the Resistance, probably after a full meal and a long talk about their feelings.

“What did you do?” Rey asked with a sideways glance when they reached the brig.

Ben gestured to the stairs that would take them down to the cells. “I did nothing. They are all perfectly fine, see for yourself.”

Rey frowned. “They? I thought it was just Finn. How many are there?”

“Three.”

“Three?”

“And a droid.”

Taking a deep breath, Rey shrugged. “I guess the more people we have to fight the First Order off, the better.”

Ben scoffed. “I wouldn’t qualify those people as fighters.”

“You’ve gone hand to hand with Finn,” she reminded him. “He’s not as weak as you think.”

“He’s not as strong as us,” Ben countered.

Again, Rey shrugged. “No one is as strong as us.”

When she turned around and headed down the steps, Ben got that pulling feeling in his stomach and chest again. He thought he caught another whiff of her skin…

As soon as the traitor saw them together, he lept to the front of the cell. “Rey…no. Don’t do this.”

“Quiet!” Rey demanded, and it worked. She turned to Phasma. “Leave us.”

The captain looked to Ben. He glared at her. “Her word is as good as mine, Captain.”

“Sir,” Phasma nodded.

They waited until the coast was clear before Rey rushed towards FN-2187. “Finn,” she sighed, and Ben hated the sound. “Are you all right?”

“What is going on? Ren said you were with them now.” He was obviously as confused as he was relieved. “I knew that wasn’t right.”

Rey turned slowly to Ben. “What did you say?”

“I said we were working together now,” he easily explained. “To tell him any more would have been to compromise the entire plan.”

“You _scared_ them.”

Ben shrugged. “For the sake of our destiny.”

“Don’t do that,” Rey insisted. “Don’t pretend you did it to be noble. You were being cruel.” When he simply shrugged again, Rey let out a frustrated groan. “You are _incorrigible_!” 

“Rey!” FN-2187 shouted again. “What is going on?”

The older man Ben didn’t recognize gestured to he and Rey. “It would appear we are wtinessing a lover’s quarrel.”

“Who are you?” Rey asked him.

Finn answered for him. “This is DJ, and that’s Rose. We were trying to - “

“Break the code, I know. Poe told me,” Rey filled him in.

Ben narrowed his eyes at them, feeling his face contort in anger. He hated how heavy she’d sighed when she’d said his name, hated how she’d run to him, hated how she’d wrapped her fingers around his. Now he hated the way she’d finished his sentence with her explanation. “Surely you two can socialize later,” he bit. “We don’t have all day. Phasma and Hux are plotting as we speak.”

Rey nodded. “Ben’s right. We have to move fast.”

“Ben?” the girl asked. She hadn’t said a word so far. She was the most frightened out of all of them. That was smart of her.

Rey ignored the question and turned to Ben. “They still have to break the code or they’ll follow us to Crait.”

“They’ll follow us now that you just told _him_!” FN-2187 gestured wildly in Ben’s direction.

DJ put a hand on the traitor’s shoulder. “Let it go, young man. You have lost her to a more worthy adversary.”

If anything was going to make Ben smile, it would have been that statement. He _was_ more worthy, even a stranger could tell. FN-2187 was merely a boy. He could never match Rey’s strength. Ben looked away to conceal the hint of a thought.

Unwilling to accept this new reality, FN-2187 persisted. “Rey, _what_ is going on? You can’t be with him.”

Ben held his breath.

“It’s…hard to explain, and we don’t have time. What do you need to do to break the code?”

The traitor was stunned into silence. Ben wasn’t particularly satisfied with this response, either. The girl, Rose, took the lead. “We need to be able to get there. These uniforms aren’t enough. The droids could spot us. We need the Storm Trooper armor. They won’t be able to identify us through those.”

“We’ll get them for you. Ben, can you get three of them? I’ll stay here and fill them in.”

The room was silent. When Ben didn’t budge, DJ clicked his tongue. “Looks like someone’s jealous.” Ben shot his hand out and DJ flew to the back of the cell. He chuckled darkly, slowly getting back on his feet and wiping away the blood from where his head had hit the wall. 

“Ben!”

“What?” he shouted back. He was sick of her telling him what to do, bossing him around, saying he was wrong. “We’re equals, I thought.”

Rey let out an exasperated sigh. “You are _impossible_.” Regardless, she told the prisoners they’d be back with three Storm Trooper uniforms before yanking on Ben’s hand and stalking up the stairs.

Before she could start reprimanding him, Ben cut her off. “You can’t say anything now.”

“And why not?”

“We can’t let anyone see us arguing, it won’t look good.”

Rey’s nostrils flared but she kept quiet. Ben’s heart stung with an emotion he recognized - anger. It was welcome after the past two days of confusion when it came to her, and her mouth, and how he felt under her hands, and the earthy scent of her skin. How _dare_ she speak to him like that? The only reason they had a plan, the only reason her friends hadn’t been executed by Phasma was all to him. She should be _thanking_ him.

“Get out,” Ben all but shouted at the droids polishing the white armor.

As soon as they’d left, Rey started in on him. “You scared them!”

“I couldn’t tell them anything! It was for their own good!”

“That’s not why you kept them in the dark!”

“If Phasma had disobeyed me - “

“Which she wouldn’t have!”

“If she _had_ , she could have tortured the information out of them! They would have given up easily!”

“You _cannot_ keep treating them like that! It’s not right! I thought you wanted to change, I thought you wanted to be a part of what we’re trying to do!”

Ben let out a roar of rage, knocking over several upright suits of armor. “I don’t care about what you’re trying to do! I don’t care about changing! I don’t care about the Resistance!”

“Then what do you care about, Ben? Because it has to be something other than power and yourself!”

“You!” Ben shouted the word like a bullet. Rey blinked as though she’d been hit by one, too. “I care about _you_ , and being together with _you_ , and everything that I can do _with you_. I never said I cared about the rest of it.”

Rey tried to reach out to him but Ben shrugged her off. He resented that she’d made him admit any of that, especially after she’d dismissed him so easily in front of the prisoners. “If you care about me, Ben, then you can’t scare my friends like that. Please. You don’t have to be one of them, I can’t ask you to be something you’re not. But if you want to work with me then you have to work _with_ me.”

“I don’t _have_ to do anything,” he hissed at her.

Rey closed her eyes and exhaled in a frustrated huff. “I know, Ben.” When she opened her eyes, she reached for him again and Ben let her take his hand. “I care about you, too. You know I do. Please don’t be angry with me.”

He clenched his jaw. “It’s easier than being anything else.”

“It is,” Rey softly agreed, “but I don’t like making you angry.”

Ben glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. “You didn’t tell them the truth.”

Rey’s chest rose just slightly as she took a shallow, wavering breath. In barely more than a whisper, she answered, “We don’t even know what the truth is yet.”

He broke her gaze, thrust three compacted white armored suits in her direction. “Tell them what you need to.”

“Will you get some rest? We have time, we need to wait for them to break the code, and you haven’t slept.”

“I’m fine.”

“Don’t you have to at least…gather your things?”

Ben narrowed his eyes at her. “Do you think I have a collection of sentimental keepsakes somewhere?”

Rey raised an eyebrow. “Was that a joke?” Ben said nothing. “I’ll meet you in your quarters. We need to be alone, to finalize the plan.”

This was a trick. She thought she could convince him to sleep if she was there with him. It wouldn’t necessarily be hard to do, Ben was exhausted. He’d only objected to sleep because it was her idea and he’d had enough of taking orders from her for today. He waited until she had disappeared in the direction of the prisoners before heading for his quarters again. 

Ben lifted his shirt over his head, unbuckled his belt, and collapsed onto his bed. When he closed his eyes, he counted the places on his skin that still burned from Rey’s touch. The traitor was irrelevant. All of this was just a means to an end. Even Rey, with all of her righteous indignation, could admit to that. It was what was necessary to fulfil their destiny. Which they would, soon, and then who knew how many places his skin would burn.

He sensed Rey outisde the door before he felt her, and her worry, lay next to him. “You’re awake, I can tell.”

“I know.” When she nudged him with her knee, Ben turned to his side to face her. How did she touch him so easily, when so many others wouldn’t dare imagine such a task? “You’re worried about your friends.” Rey nodded. “I wouldn’t be.”

“That’s because you have no friends.” At Ben’s flat glare, Rey smiled. “Some day, very soon, I’m going to make you laugh. And it’s going to be beautiful.” Before he could protest, she kissed the bridge of his nose and whispered, “Get some rest,” and he was too exhausted to defy her.


	6. Part 6

Slowly, Ben blinked his eyes open. It took him a moment to recognize the weight next to him, or what was draped over his lap. Rey’s leg. Apparently she’d gotten comfortable by stretching out, on top of him. How many times since she’d agreed to this plan had she violated his space? Disrespected his being? It was a trick, he was certain. She was trying to weaken him, to coil around him and tighten like a snake, squeezing until he popped, hooking her fangs into him and paralyzing him with poisonous venom. Well he wasn’t hers to suffocate. He wasn’t hers to touch, to own, to have, to save.

Ben rolled over gently, careful not to disturb her. He couldn’t have her wake now, there would be no chance then. She continued to sleep, even as he wrapped his fingers around her throat and tightened them. Rey’s eyes flew open then as she tried to gasp for the air he was cutting off with his knuckles, tried to plead with him. It was no use. Ben kept squeezing harder, and harder, until the light behind her eyes went out.

“It’s okay,” he heard Rey whisper in his ear. Her breath tickled his neck. “You’re only dreaming.”

Ben jolted awake with a gasp and rolled over, patting Rey down and jostling her around to check for any wounds he may have inflicted. Probably at being somewhat tossed about, she let out a cackle of a laugh. “Ben! Stop! I’m fine! You just had a nightmare!”

Eventually, satisfied that she was, in fact, unharmed, Ben sat back and let out a sigh of relief, closing his eyes. Rey sat up next to him and reached out to brush some damp hair off his forehead. He swatted her hand away. He didn’t want her to touch him after what he’d just done, real or not. He didn’t want her to get burned. Although he noticed, the guilt yanking on his stomach, that she looked equally wounded by his rebuff. “Does that happen often?” Ben just nodded. “Is that why you think you’re rotten on the inside?”

He got up then, noticing that she shivered at the abrupt movement. “We have to go. They’ll have broken the code by now and we need to find them before anyone else does.”

Agreeing, Rey also got up and together they located the trio and the droid. “It’s time,” Rey told them.

The codebreaker took off his helmet. “If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not stay for the action.”

“Fine, go,” Rose snapped. “Stop wasting our time.” Her tone reminded Ben of Rey.

DJ disappeared around the corner and Rey took out the cuffs they’d be using as props. “Okay, don’t be afraid. It’s just like I told you.”

“I still think you’ve lost your mind,” FN-2187 muttered under his breath.

Rey and Ben ignored him and marched them through the base until they reached the deck. Ben saw his command shuttle waiting, prepared for him to board. He hadn’t accounted for how small it was for four (and a half) people, but it would have to do. “Stop what you are doing,” he calmly instructed. The troopers fell into their ranks. It wasn’t nearly all of them, which was why they’d decided to do it here rather than using Hux and Phasma to gather them all. “These traitors have infiltrated our operation. And not one of you was able to figure them out.”

“On the contrary, Ren,” Hux spoke up. Ben tried not to catch Rey’s glance. They had thought he might show up at some point after hearing the commotion, but they hadn’t been expecting him this early on. “Our droids and Captain Phasma were easily able to scope them out. In fact, they were taken prisoner, although their apparel was different. How, then, did they escape and obtain these new uniforms?”

“It is not the job of the new Supreme Leaders of the First Order to keep watch over prisoners. One would ask how they were so easily able to escape the cells built by your crew."

_I know what you’re playing at, Ren,_ Hux thought. _You, and the girl._

Ben ignored him and tore the helmet off of FN-2187. Rey did the same with the girl. Ever so slowly, BB-8 started inching closer to the shuttle. Ben threw FN-2187 down on his knees with a little more force than he had to. When both prisoners knelt before them, Ben glared around the room. “Let this be a lesson: that no traitors, no rebel scum who dare defy us will live to tell!” Perfectly in sync, he and Rey activated their lightsabers with that echoing, electric snap and buzz. He looked down and saw the sweat pouring down FN-2187′s neck. Ben could see that he was telling himself to trust Rey over and over.

Ben and Rey lifted their weapons high over their shoulders, making to bring them down upon their prisoners.

For a split second, Ben got the urge to forego the plan, to actually execute the traitors, to hold Rey here with the First Order until she agreed to join them. But for the first time in years he had something that he didn’t want to lose.

And then her back slammed up against his again, like she’d been yanked there. She tore the blaster from Hux and it landed in Rose’s arms, who leapt up and started shooting. Ben did the same, delivering the blaster of a random soldier to FN-2187.

It was a battle and they were an army of four. Ben had never been this drastically outnumbered in his life. And yet, when his mind connected with Rey’s, nothing mattered. He fended off a shot, heard Hux screaming for more troops in the background, but there was only her breath, and his.

Rey reached behind her, catching a blast aimed at Ben and throwing it back at the shooter while at the same time using her sword to deflect antoher shot. Ben dropped to his knees and swept his blade across the legs of a soldier charging towards them before standing back up and fending off a blast from someone above them who had been gunning for Rey. It was so easy, like a dance they’d been rehearsing their whole lives. He felt her adrenaline rush through his body, her heart pounding in his chest, her pulse throbbing in his neck. Every thrust, every stroke, they shared together, gasping each other’s names in warning.

One by one the troppers fell, but there seemed to be a never-ending supply of them to fill the gaps, which was exactly how Snoke had planned. Ben was surprised by how many FN-2187 and Rose were able to knock off. Behind them, Ben heard the shuttle start up. Taking advantage of the commotion, the four of them boarded as the droid shot at the First Order with Kylo Ren’s ship. “Move!” he shouted, and the droid rolled out of the pilot’s seat. Ben took over, sent them into hypserspace almost immediately, and placed them on an autopilot route to Crait.

“Who’s hurt?” Rey asked once they were all safe.

“Just some cuts and bruises,” FN-2187 told her.

“I’m fine,” the girl answered. “I um…I would have taken a hit but…he saved me.”

Ben turned around to face them. FN-2187 was peeling off his armor and dropping it to the floor as though it would poison him. The girl was staring at him, clearly confused. “You’re welcome,” he bit.

She shook her head in disbelief. “You’re responsible for the deaths of most of my family, my friends, and my sister. What exactly am I supposed to be thanking you for?”

“For not being responsible for the death of you!”

“Oh yeah, this is gonna go great, Rey. Bringing this guy back to the Resistance? Who we’re apparently supposed to worship for not killing us, for doing one good thing?”

“He’s done more than one good thing,” Rey protectively took up for him. Ben found himself wishing they’d stayed on board a bit longer. He felt warmer, stonger with her back to his. Now, detached by only inches, he felt the pull in his chest, the one that longed for their bodies to be fused together once more. “And when you’re perfect, Finn, let us know and you can judge him then.”

“ _Perfect?_ ” he shot back in a horrified half-shriek. “You don’t have to be perfect to know that killing thousands of people is wrong!”

“An operation which you were a part of, as I remember,” Ben coolly noted.

FN-2187 glared at him, obviously disgusted. “I never killed anyone for the First Order, and you know that. And even if I had it would have been the only thing I’d ever known, ever prepared for! I didn’t have anything else! _You_ took me from my parents and raised me to be a warrior, a killer. What’s your excuse, Kylo Ren? Or should I say, Ben Solo?”

Ben’s response started as a low growl that ended in a shout. “You don’t know anything about me!”

“I know you had two parents who loved you! I know your father loved you still, right up until you killed him!”

Ben lunged for him then but felt Rey’s hands on his shoulders. “Enough!” she shouted. “Finn, this is the way things are now and if it’s going to take some getting used to then you can just sit there and think about it in silence.” Her tone reminded Ben of when he used to bicker with Chewie in the Falcon and his mother would order them not to speak to each other until they found something nice to say. Chewie would always break first.

FN-2187 and the girl started whispering to one another, his tone urgent and hers obviously trying to get him to calm down. Rey placed a hand on Ben’s knee and gave it a squeeze. From behind them, BB-8 beeped, “I don’t get it.”

In unison once again, Ben and Rey both responded, “You don’t have to get it.” Out of the corner of her eye, Rey shot Ben what he was sure she hoped was a reassuring smile. He liked her smile, the way it made her eyes seem brighter. But all of the smiles in the galaxy couldn’t reassure him of what was about to happen.


	7. Part 7

It didn’t take long to get to Crait, or at least it felt like it didn’t. The adrenaline was still coursing through Rey’s veins, and she could feel it in Ben’s as well. Not just when she reached over and took his hand, either, although she could feel his pulse then. She didn’t know what it was, but when they connected like that, just like they had in the throne room, it was like she was another person entirely. Or maybe not another person, just a different version of herself. She was stronger in every way, more in tune with her body, and his. Every move, every twitch, every blink of his Rey felt as if it were her own. His breath flowed into her lungs and everything on the outside of her body longed for something from Ben that she couldn’t quite place.

On their way to the old Rebel Alliance base what she longed for was to lay down, rest her head in Ben’s lap, feel his fingers run through her hair while he piloted them to their destination. She wanted to relax, just for a second, like she’d hardly been able to since she’d left Ahch-To. But she decided against it. Poe was already convinced that there was something less than pure about the nature of she and Ben’s relationship, and Finn couldn’t even stomach that they were now all on the same team. Rey had never minded that Finn was protective of her, but she’d always been very clear that she didn’t need protecting. Ben understood that.

_That’s because Ben understands everything about you._

As soon as the thought had slipped out of her mind, she knew it had been too strong because Ben glanced over at her. It was just for an instant, but it was enough for Rey to catch. “I know you heard that.”

In response, he reached over and took her hand, showing her how he wanted to bring it to his lips but wouldn’t for the sake of the others in their company. She felt her heart swell, appreciating not only what he wanted to do but the fact that he wouldn’t because he knew it would upset her friends. Rey smiled at him and gave his hand a squeeze. “Don’t be nervous.”

“I’m not.” When Rey only raised an eyebrow, Ben trained his eyes straight ahead at the oncoming planet. “I have nothing to be nervous about. I know how this will go. Like that,” he jerked his head in Finn’s direction, “only several more times.”

Finn scoffed. “Please. I’m the least of your problems. Once Poe and I talk some sense back into Rey, it’s all over for you.”

Rey whipped around to him. “Stop it!” she snapped. “That’s not happening. I’ve already told you how it’s going to go so just accept it. Ben and I are a team now and if you respected me then you’d respect my choice.” Once more, when Rey turned back around in Ben’s direction, he took her hand. This time, he did give it a kiss. Thankfully, Finn and Rose were arguing in hushed tones and didn’t see.

They landed the command shuttle on Crait and Ben turned to Rey. “I should stay behind you. It will comfort them, to see you first.”

“No,” she shook her head and held up their entwined fingers between them. “We go side by side.”

“Then let us go first and warn them you’re coming,” Rose offered. “I know they know but…it still might be shocking for them to see.”

Rey was grateful for this forethought, and grateful for Rose’s presence in this whole ordeal. She’d somehow been able to do what needed to be done, putting in almost none of her own emotion, just doing what was best for the Resistance. She had also tried to stop Finn and Ben from coming to blows. “That’s a good idea, thank you.”

With one last look back at them, Finn shook his head with disgust and he, Rose, and BB-8 left the shuttle and made for the base. Rey took a deep breath, looked Ben over, and then threw her arms around his shoulders. “We’ll be together. Always. No matter what happens,” she whispered fiercely in his ear. She could hear how hard Ben’s heart was hammering.

Rey only pulled away once Ben’s body had become less rigid and he’d finally squeezed her back. Once she did, she looked back up at him and waited for him to promise the same. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and leaned forward, planting a hard kiss on her forehead. “We’ll be together,” he whispered into her hair. “Always. No matter what happens.”

Finally, they left the shuttle, hand in hand, side by side. The doors had already opened for Finn and Rose, and when Rey and Ben entered, all of the commotion stopped. It happened slowly, at first just the people at the front, tinkering with planes, shouting orders back and forth, pulling out maps to different Resistance-friendly locations. They stopped suddenly, falling silent mid-sentence, looking up from whatever they were doing. It was a ripple effect, starting with the people closest to the entrance and then going back further and further into the cavernous base. Rey felt her palm start to sweat. She’d sort of thought that the general would meet them and lay down the law and then that would be that. But now they were just standing there…in silence…while everyone stared. Oh…dear…

“Rey,” Holdo greeted her in her already familiar and comforting tone. “We’re glad you’re back safe. Thank you for bringing back Rose and Finn.”

“And BB,” Poe added, who had joined them.

“It was both of us,” Rey insisted. “Admiral, this is Ben.”

For the first time, Admiral Holdo’s face flashed with anger, disgust, and horror. It was just a flicker of an expression of emotion, but Rey had never seen her be anything but the picture of composure. “I’m sure you’ll understand why it will take us a bit more getting used to.”

Ben nodded. “Of course. I assure you, I mean to cause you no more harm.”

“Yeah, sure,” Poe shrugged casually with every indication of sarcasm. “You’ve killed almost all of us, but okay. You’re here to make peace and bring us all together. Maybe later we can all stand in a circle and sing some songs.” He held a hand up to Ben when he and Rey looked over at him. “Hey. Poe Dameron. We’ve met. You tortured me.” Then, with a dismissive wave, he acted coy and added, “Oh, I’m sure you don’t remember little old me, you probably torture, like, a hundred people a day.”

“Dameron,” Holdo scolded him, although even to Rey it sounded half-hearted.

Ben surprised them all by speaking up. “Where is the general?”

The admiral was obviously grateful for the change in subject. “General Organa left for Ahch-To earlier today.”

“Why?” Rey interrupted her explanation. She knew they were coming. Why would his mother not want to be here to greet her son? Was it not enough that he had been feeling abandoned by her since he was a child? Now, when he’d finally decided to give her everything she’d been hoping for and return to her, she had gone? “She should be here for this, he’s her son.”

“Rey,” Ben warned in a low tone. She actually wasn’t even sure he’d said it or just thought it to her.

She turned to him and in a murmur insisted, “She should be here for you, Ben. This is important.” How must he have felt? How badly must this have hurt his heart, the one he’d spent years trying not to have? 

“It’s okay,” he assured her, and have her hand another squeeze.

As loud as a Wookie, Poe hollered, “When you’re done whispering sweet nothings, let us know.”

Rey rolled her eyes and turned back to Holdo. “Why did she go to Ahch-To?”

“I believe she wanted to discuss the future of the Resistance with her brother,” Holdo offered.

“She wanted to ask him if she should trust me,” Ben corrected her. 

To her credit, Holdo just nodded. “Maybe. That was maybe a part of it.”

“Well when do you expect her back?” Rey asked.

“Sometime tomorrow.” In a rare moment of softness towards Ben, the admiral turned to him. “She was very much looking forward to seeing you. We didn’t know when you would get here.”

Rey gave her a grateful smile for her effort. “Thank you. If it’s not too much to ask, we’re exhausted from the fight. Is there spare quarters for us?”

“Yeah Admiral, did you get a place where Kylo Ren and Rey could move in together?” Poe asked. “Any romantic suites in this place?”

Holdo ignored him, as Rey was noticing she often did. “We have quarters for you, Rey. We thought it wise for you and Ky…I’m sorry, for you and Ben to bunk together.” Rey thought she was probably right, should they need to protect each other from dissenters of the new plan. 

“I can see my presence has caused a great deal of distress,” Ben started.

Poe interjected. “You don’t say.”

“Excuse me.” Everyone was deadly silent as the Resistance fighters watched Kylo Ren, their sworn enemy, their idea of the epitome of evil, walk through their ranks and disappear into a space that was supposed to be reserved for the good guys, for one of them, for someone who would keep them safe.

Rey wanted to shout at them. She wanted to tell them all that this person was not the cold-blooded killer they’d been fighting, that he was a frightened boy who had been abandoned by everyone he’d ever loved, that he’d killed Snoke because he simply wasn’t able to watch her be in pain, who had stayed outside her room all night to watch over her. But now wasn’t the time. Instead, she turned in a half circle, looking at each one of them. “If any one of you tries to harm either of us, I’ll remind you that he is the one who killed Emperor Snoke, and that together we have fought off his guards and the First Order, and it will not end well for you.”

Poe closed his eyes, rubbed the migraine obviously forming between them, and shook his head. Finn scoffed a little more loudly than was natural. All in all it wasn’t as bad of a reaction as it could have been. Before Rey turned to follow Ben into their quarters, Holdo approached her. “Rey,” she said, giving her shoulder a protective squeeze. “If you need us…”

“I won’t,” Rey tried to assure her. “He would never hurt me.” She could tell that the admiral didn’t believe her. There was no point in trying to get her to, either. The only way to gain the trust of any of them was time. Rey tried to give Holdo her most reassuring smille before she turned and went back to their quarters.

Ben was on their small regulation bed, on his side and facing away from her. Rey took of her boots, let her hair down, and dropped herself into bed next to him. After a beat she grinned, “You’re awake, I can tell,” just like she’d told him back on the First Order ship.

“I know.”

Again, Rey nudged him with one knee and he turned around to face her, his head resting against the pillow. She wasn’t sure why, but that position always made him seem so much softer. If everyone could see him like this, she thought, they’d know what she knew. “I’m sorry that our accomodations aren’t as luxurious as you’re used to,” she smirked.

Ben shrugged. “We’re in a cave made of salt. This might be as luxurious as it gets.”

Rey gasped. “Be careful, that was almost a joke!” Ben’s mouth set in a grim line but his nostrils flared a little, a sign that he was trying not to laugh or smile. She reached up and brushed his black hair off his forehead. “You’re afraid.”

“I hate that,” he snapped. 

“I know,” Rey tried to soothe him. He didn’t hate that he was afraid, he hated that she could tell. “I’m sorry. It's just what I can fell the strongest.” She waited for Ben to relax before continuing. It wasn’t until she felt his body relieve its tension that she assessed, “It’s your mother. You’re anxious to see her tomorrow.” Ben didn’t answer, just looked away, but she saw his bottom lip tuck in, giving him away. “She still loves you.”

“She loves the boy she knew, the child she carried. Not this…” He struggled to find the word but eventually gave up. “Not me.”

“She does,” Rey insisted. “She does, Ben. She knows what you’ve done and still…” Seeing that she was getting nowhere, Rey let out a sigh and pushed the memory forward, of his mother pleading with her, telling her that if there was even one bit of goodness left in her son to please, bring him back to her.

Tears welled in Ben’s soft, dark eyes before spilling over, across the bridge of his crooked nose. It must have been a battle wound, Rey had always assumed. It was the most noticeable reminder that he was, just like the rest of them, only human. Rey reached her hand up, rested her palm on his cheek, wiped away his tears. 

The fire licked at the base of her throat again, tickled her lips. “It’s there again.”

“It’s always there.”

“What?” she whispered. “What is it that you want so badly?” Ben lifted his eyes to hers and she took in a shaky breath. She’d always been so afraid of the answer, but that was only because she’d always known what it was. Everything inside of her, and outside of her, was humming, wanting. Finally, with another shallow, shaking breath, Rey repeated back to him, “Don’t be afraid. I feel it, too.”

The last word was hardly out of her mouth before Ben’s was on hers. Oh…the general had been right. When the time came, she suddenly knew exactly what to do. His mouth was so warm, she hadn’t expected him to be so warm. It was like the fire inside of her was reaching him now, too.

Ben’s arm wrapped around her waist, rolling her onto her back. Of course she’d known he was strong, but for some reason this still surprised her, how easily he’d taken her. Ben’s mouth trailed from hers to behind her ear and down her neck. All of a sudden everything seemed too tight on her skin, too suffocating, too hot.

Ben let out an animalistic, guttral sound, right in her ear and she surprised herself by bursting into laughter. “Don’t!” she laughed as he tugged at her tunic. “It’s all I have!”

“Don’t laugh.”

“I’m not laughing at you,” she assured him, tapping him twice on the shoulder. He rolled over so she could sit up and peel off her tunic, wriggle out of her pants. It wasn’t until she’d laid back down that she realized Ben had been doing the same. And now she was reminded of how massive he was, the span of his chest, the length of his torso. The flames in her heart roared. His weight on her was almost crushing, but his heaviness wasn’t unpleasant. She liked it. She liked him like this, not impulsive, not sudden. He was in control of himself in this situation, which was something he was very rarely.

Ben paused and they stared at each other, breathless. “You’re shaking,” he noted.

Rey nodded. “So are you.” They were both shivering for the same reason. What they had was so…it was so much, so powerful, more powerful than any other entity in the entire galaxy. What would happen if they did this? There was only one way to find out, and they were in too deep to stop now.

Ben kissed her neck and Rey curled her hips up to his. She didn’t want to make a sound, not even a small one, so instead of crying out like she wanted, she trapped Ben’s earlob gently between her teeth. He shivered against her, his breath on her neck.

Ben entered her and she gasped, enjoying the full and heavy feeling. Rey shut her eyes. Ben pressed his forehead to hers. She bit down on her lip, letting out a strangled moan. Ben was showing her all of those times he’d wanted, yearned so deep in the pit of his soul for her. When they’d first met, then in the forest when the snow fell around them and he’d wanted to put everything down and show her what they could be together, when their palms had grazed over the fire, when he’d placed a kiss on her forehead. It had pulled at him, gnawed at him every day. He’d always felt her, she could see that now. His whole life he’d been half himself, knowing he wasn’t alone, knowing she was out there, somewhere, if he could only reach her.

Rey gasped again. Ben paused, hovering above her. She didn’t realize she’d been crying until he leaned down and kissed her tears off her cheeks. Again, she arched her back in an effort for more of him. If he could crawl inside her skin and live between her bone and muscle, it still never would have been enough, she would still never have enough of him, and he would never be close enough. “Ben,” she breathed out. “Please.”

A low moan escaped his throat as he buried his face in her neck. He went slow, and then faster, after she begged. Rey couldn’t tell if she was freezing or on fire, if her muscles were tense or completely relaxed. She was hardly even human in this moment. Could the others feel the burning? Could they see the white light, growing and growing between them?

She closed her eyes, her fingers and toes curling in the blanket beneath her. Everything in her exploded. The fire in her chest shot through her veins. She’d tried not to cry ou but what was she trying to hide anymore? Ben let out another deep moan before collapsing on top of her. She thought she could die happy like that, with the weight of him on top of her, holding her so tight.

There was a sound then, one she didn’t recognize or understand. Rey blinked her eyes open. Her heart wasn’t burning, searing, or scorching. It was…something. Full, quiet, something she couldn’t quite…

She’d always known it would be beautiful.

Wiping away sweaty black strands matted to his forehead, Rey kissed Ben’s forehead, tasting his sweat. “You’re smiling.”

Ben nodded. “I’m smiling.” He kissed her neck again, pulled her closer, a smile staying spread across his face. Rey stared at his full, perfect lips until she fell asleep, wrapped up tight in him.


	8. Part 8

He tried to remember that they were just nightmares. He hadn’t killed his mother, and he hadn’t strangled Rey until the light went out of her eyes. It was just a dream, which was what Rey whispered to him when his eyes flew open and he jumped awake. “I’m here,” she tried to calm him, her voice heavy with sleep. “It was just a dream. I’m fine.”

Ben blinked once, twice, before Rey came into focus. All of the memories of last night came back to him. Slowly, softly, he wrapped his lips around her collar bone. Rey giggled but didn’t protest. Ben ran his hands down her body and then - 

“Dameron! The general is coming!”

They both jumped at Holdo’s shout. Rey giggled again. Ben buried his face in her chest and she held him tight. “I’ll come with you.”

His chest tightened. “No,” he shook his head. “I should go alone.” Placing another kiss between her neck and shoulder, he tried to leave.

Rey didn’t let go. She slowly opened one eye, then the other. “Smile for me again. Just one more time. Please.”

It wasn’t hard. Ben obliged, pressing his forehead against hers. It took everything in him not to stay in bed with her when she let out an, “Mmm.”

When he was dressed, Ben turned around to see Rey sitting up in bed, her knees pulled up into her chest. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come?”

He nodded. “I’ll be fine.”

She reached out to take his hand. “I’ll still be with you.”

Wasn’t she always? “I know,” Ben assured her. He thought he could live in that moment on repeat, when he pressed his lips against her forehead and she closed her eyes and leaned into him. It was all over, all out in the open. There were no secrets, nothing hidden from each other, not anymore and there never would be again. He pulled away and Rey lay back against the mattress. He pulled the rough brown blanket back up to her chin, kissed the bridge of her nose. “Go back to sleep.” She let out another tiny moan, indicating that she already was, and Ben left the quarters.

The Resistance fighters were rushing everywhere, all of them preparing for the arrival of his mother in their own ways. It didn’t take long to locate her, for the most part she’d always remained open to him, always hoping he’d come back. Still, he took his time reaching her. He wasn’t exactly loking forward to this conversation. Besides, he found it amusing the way people stared at and ran from him. 

He could feel his mother behind the door, anxiously waiting for him. Her talk with Luke about him hadn’t seemed to resolve any of her feelings. She’d forgone speaking to anyone else since she’d landed only moments ago. She wanted to see him first. She was nervous. Ben took a deep breath, remembered Rey's whispered promise that she’d be with him, felt better, and entered the room. He looked at his boots, then hers, then her coat, then, finally, for the first time since he was a child, he looked his mother in the eye.

She reached up, her hand clutching at her heart. Her lips quivered. Ben thought she might collapse. Finally, she rasped out, “Ben?” He didn’t know what he was supposed to say to her, so he was relieved when she asked, “Can I…I know that’s what Rey calls you. Is that…is that okay, if I call you that?”

Ben swallowed and gave her a small nod. “That’s fine.”

His mother’s face broke out into a fleeting smile. “Do you think…would it be okay if I hugged you?”

He cleared his throat. “Rey says I’m bad at that.”

With a smpathetic smile she suggested, “Well why don’t we just give it a try and see how it goes?” Again, he gave her a small nod and she took several soft, cautious steps toward him. She paused once she’d reached him, tried to read his feelings on his face. She either gave up or realized that he was unsure as well, because she wrapped her arms around him. He was much taller than the last time she’d hugged him. Like he had to do with Rey, Ben leaned down, just a little. He could hear his mother sniffle. “My boy. I’ve missed you so much.”

Ben clenched his jaw and tried to hold back the tears stinging his eyes. He wanted to turn off what he could see, but he knew he shouldn’t. He just had to stand here and see every moment that he’d broken his mother’s heart. He saw her looking out the window as they’d left Ahch-To. Chewie let out a wail and she patted his furry arm. His father put a warm, reassuring hand on her shoulder. “He’ll be okay. We’ll see him soon.” She didn’t bother to wipe away her tears, just turned into his father for a hug, leaning on him with all of the guilt and sadness of a mother who had to admit that she was frightened of her own son. He felt her anguish and devastation as Luke explained to his parents what had happened, how Ben had taken the others with him, or killed the ones who refused. He saw her fighting with his father in the days that followed, the tears, the shouting, the violent energy. He saw his father leaving. He felt the shot inside of him, the shocking ache when she’d realized that Han had died, killed by the boy she’d carried, given birth to, and loved. And he felt her fear, knowing that he was out there, his thumb hovering just over the button that would surely end her life.

Ben broke away abruptly. His mother looked hurt for a fraction of a second, but then recovered. “I’m sorry. I know this is a lot,” she shook her head. “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

“Why not?” he snapped. At his mother’s confused look, he asked again, “Why not? Why shouldn’t I feel uncomfortable? I’ve caused much greater distress than discomfort to most of the people here, to you. Why aren’t you…why aren’t you…”

His mother reached up, placed a warm, comforting palm on his shoulder. “My boy,” she shook her head. “Look at me.” Ben did reluctantly, the same way he’d done long before he’d had to look down to do it. “You’ve done some terrible things. But it’s not my job to forgive you. My only job since the moment I knew you were coming was to love you. And I’m sorry if I failed you.”

Ben wanted to be angry. He wanted his heart to sear and his face to contort with rage. He hated this. He hated the guilt, the fear, the love he didn’t deserve. He just wanted it all to go away.

“Besides, is there anything I could ever say that would make you feel worse than you’ve made yourself feel?” Ben reasoned that this was probably true. Everything he’d felt or thought that had led him to the Dark Side, that had led him to Snoke, had been because of the things he already thought about himself in the first place.

“Surely,” his mother continued, “surely you know how this feels now, to have someone who you care about more than you care about yourself, someone you’d give your life for.”

Ben thought about the small, stolen kisses he’d shared with Rey, how tender and warm her touch was, how much she’d given him, trusted him last night. He thought of her body under his hands, the taste of her skin, the light between them, burning and white. And then he thought about what he’d do if she died or, worse, if she left him, if she just didn’t want him anymore.

No one would be safe.

His mother waved a hand, sensing and then dismissing his fears. “Don’t worry about that, Ben. She feels the same way. It’s obvious. I have to go, Holdo wants to go over next steps with me. Play nice with the other kids, try to make friends.”

She had almost reached the door when he called out, in a strangled voice, “Mother?” She paused and turned to face him. “How do I do that? Stop…stop worrying. Stop being afraid?”

To his surprise, his mother rolled her eyes. “Always so dramatic, even when you were little. You’re just like your uncle. Ben, the truth is, everybody’s afraid. It’s just part of being an adult that no one ever tells you about. And the more people you love, the scarier it gets.” She paused then, gave her son a long, meaningful look. “But, my boy, if you never felt that love…that’s no life I’d like to live.”

Ben was still standing there, stunned, after she’d left the room. That was the wisdom his mother had to pass on to him? All these years, all of this hurt between them, and her advice was to get over it? Frustrated, Ben stalked back to Rey’s quarters, not caring that he looked frightening. It probably wasn’t the best way to follow his mother's orders to make friends, but he didn’t care about that after her stupid answer.

When he opened the door it was to find Rey stitting on the bed, Chewie, Artoo, and BB-8 on the floor in front of her. “I know it’s hard to understand, but in time it won’t be so odd. You’ll hardly even think of it.”

“Fat chance,” BB-8 beeped at her.

“Well ask him yourself if you want,” she gesutred behind them at where Ben had just entered the room.

Chewie immediately stood up, let out an anguished growl, lifted Ben by the shoulders, and started shaking him violently. “Go ahead, Chewie,” Ben managed to get out. “Do your worst, I deserve it.”

Chewie dropped him suddently and gave him a once over before clicking out, “It’s no fun then.”

“Sorry to ruin your _fun_ ,” Ben apologized, rubbing his shoulder.

“Give us a minute,” Rey requested, and the trio left, beeping and growling their disapproval. When the room was cleared and it was just the two of them again, Rey stood on her toes and kissed his cheek. “How’d it go?” He shrugged and said nothing, just sat on the bed. Rey sat next to him and tucked some hair behind his ear. “It’s okay. We can talk about it later.”

When she went to get up, Ben reached for her knee, keeping her secured next to him. “Why…” He paused, unable to look her in the eye and struggling to find the words. “Why am I here right now, Rey? How do you…how do you let me sleep next to you? How can you trust me? How can you - how can anyone ever….ever…”

“Forgive you?” Rey finished his question. When Ben was silent, she took a deep breath. “That was never a question for me. I have to…we have to be together, Ben. That’s just a fact. I need you to be with me, by my side. Even now when you were in a different wing for a few minutes I felt…I could feel myself weaker, colder. And I don’t much like that,” she chuckled. “So, I had a choice. I could forgive you and be whole with you, or I could go back to how I was before; alone and struggling and fighting every day just to…just to feel anything. And I won’t go back to that, Ben, ever again, not as long as you’re alive.” She took his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her. He didn’t even deserve that much, to see her eyes, her smile. He wasn’t worth that. “You are so much more than what you’ve done. And you are so much brighter than your darkest day. I _know_ this.”

Ben closed his eyes. She was lying. She didn’t know that. This was an elaborate ruse to weaken him, to hurt him. She’d push him away, lose all hope in him, she’d never forgive him, not really. She’d be gone. 

_“Everybody’s afraid. And the more people you love, the scarier it gets.”_

But if he didn’t have Rey…that wasn’t a life he wanted to live.

Ben leaned forward and pressed his lips to Rey’s. She drew her leg across his lap, straddling him. He kissed her with noticeably more hunger than last night as she ran her hands through his hair. If he gave in to the fear, he would lose that, the feeling of her fingertips against his scalp, and he wasn’t willing to do that. He wrapped an arm around her back, laid them down on the mattress. He kissed her neck, hearing her giggle from being tickled. “When we get to Ahch-To,” he whispered, “we’ll need a more comfortable bed.”

“Agreed,” Rey breathed out. 

_She will leave you._

Ben kissed Rey’s neck again, then her lips. She draped her arms around his neck. 

_She will hurt you._

Rey reached down, unclasped his belt, pulled his shirt over his head. He took off his boots and pants as Rey unwrapped her tunic. He hadn’t quite figured that out yet…

_She’s making a fool out of you._

He kissed her hip bone, rolling her pants down and peeling them off of her. He kissed her leg, the inside of her thigh, her belly button.

_She’s lying to you._

Rey tilted her face up to his, silently asking for another kiss. Ben obliged. In some ways what they had seemed so larger than life, but then how was it also so small, so simple, as her requesting a kiss? And why did he want to comply to this request all of the time? Why couldn’t he ever stop thinking about it?

_She could never love someone like you._

Rey wrapped her fingers around the back of his neck, kissing his earlobe.

_You will never deserve her._

Ben slid inside of her. She was so warm, she was so…he didn’t know the word for it, how good it felt to be inside of her, like he was meant to be there. Rey lifted her hips to his, wanting more of him. His heart stretched, growing wider, as she let him see. She wanted him. She wanted all of him. And however much he gave to her, he would never be able to give her enough.

But if he didn’t spend the rest of his life trying…that wasn’t a life he wanted to live.

The light started growing between them again, spreading like a white horizon. When Rey whispered his name in his ear, the way she had last night, he felt his body start to vibrate. He couldn’t do this anymore. He had to…he had to…Ben tried to control himself, tried to breathe. Rey whispered his name again, this time with a small moan. He couldn’t anymore. He had to let go of his fear, of everything.

Rey let out a cry, slamming her fist against the wall behind her, causing some rubble to crumble, forgetting how strong they were when they were together. Ben collapsed on top of her, trying to catch his breath. She brushed his sweaty hair off his forehead, just like she had last night, just like he hoped she’d do every night. She took a deep breath. “You’re not afraid anymore?”

Ben pressed his lips ever so slightly to her cheek. “No, I’m still afraid.”

She frowned. “Then what feels different?”

“You,” he whispered in her ear. “I’m not as afraid as much as I want you.”

Rey gave him a tight squeeze of a hug. “Ben?”

“Mm?” he answered, already starting to doze off.

“When we get to Ahch-To, can we get a more comfortable blanket, too?”

He laughed because it was funny, but also because he knew she loved the sound.


	9. Part 9

The next time Rey woke up, it was to pounding on her door. Ben opened one eye. “I’m starting to miss the First Order.”

“Because no one woke you up like that?”

“Because no one would have _dared_ to wake me up like that.”

“That’s because you were never sleeping in the middle of the day,” she pointed out to him with a smirk, lifting her face to his.

Ben reached out, pulling her hips closer. “That’s true,” he nuzzled into her neck. “Is that a benefit of being one of the good guys?”

She shuttered as his tongue brushed over that spot between her neck and shoulders, that place Ben had learned drove her to the brink of insanity. “I think it’s a benefit of not having to fear for your life for once.” Whoever was on the other side of the door pounded on it again and Rey groaned. “I should see what they want.”

“It’s nothing urgent, we’d be able to read the panic,” he assured her, kissing her cheek, then her ear, then brushing her nose with his.

She tilted her face back up to his and placed a kiss on his mouth. Once she felt him relax, she saw her opportunity and overtook him, straddling his bulk of a body and pinning him beneath her. “Surrender Solo, you’re mine.”

He smiled up at her and she felt her heart flutter and soar. When Ben nodded, “I surrender. I’m yours,” Rey’s whole body tingled.

At more pounding, Rey shouted, “I’m coming!” She placed a kiss on Ben’s forehead and got out of bed. After pulling her clothes back on as fast as she could, she opened the door, just a wedge, and squeezed herself out. Finn and Poe were standing there, poised to continue their knocks. “ _What_?”

Finn frowned. “Are you okay? Your face is all red.”

That probably got worse now that he’d pointed it out. Rey looked down, hoping to hide the deepening blush. “Did you need something?”

“Is Ren with you?” Poe asked.

Rey crossed her arms over her chest. “His name is actually only _one_ letter off from what you just said, do you think you just need more practice?”

Before Poe could snap back, Finn explained, “We need to get on his command shuttle.”

“Why?”

Poe obviously relished answering, “To take it apart.”

Rey sucked in a sharp breath through her teeth. Ben hadn’t pitched a fit in a while, so he was due. “He’s not going to like that.”

“And General Organa and Admiral Holdo want to talk to him, to get the First Order inside information,” Finn added. “Which they apparently couldn’t get from me. Just because all I did was clean the toilets,” he muttered bitterly.

Poe squeezed his shoulder. “Hey man, that’s an important job, don’t let them take that away from you.”

Rey rolled her eyes at their ridiculous loyalty. “Give me a minute, I’ll go get him up.”

As soon as she said it, she wanted to swallow the words back down. Finn’s eyebrows knit together. Poe didn’t bother to attempt any illusion of privacy. “He’s in bed in the middle of the day? Why would he be - oh _shit_!”

Rey opened her mouth to try and shush him. Finn caught on a second later. “You’ve gotta be kidding me!”

“Be quiet,” she hissed.

“Oh, that is just - “

“Shhhh!”

“You are _sick_ , Rey, you are _sick_!”

“I am not!”

“I can’t believe you let _that_ guy fu - “

Rey clamped a hand over Poe’s mouth. “ _Please_ shut up!”

“Why? Hm? Why?” Finn interrogated her. “If it’s not disgusting and you’re not doing anything wrong. Why do we have to be quiet about it?”

“Because his _mother_ is somewhere around here and I’d rather her not know the intimate details of her son’s...whereabouts.”

“More like underwear abouts.” Again, Rey rolled her eyes as the two boys high-fived over Poe’s pun.

“Please, shut up. I’ll go get him.” She’d turned to go back into the room but Poe was, apparently, not finished yet.

“I _knew_ it,” he insisted. “I’ve known the whole time. What did I say, from the very beginning? This was all just because he wanted to bone Rey.”

Rey let out a screech. “Please! Please, Poe, I am _begging_ you, _please_ shut up. The General could be anywhere and she - “

“Oh, the General is _quite_ aware.”

It was instinct, the small, strangled scream that escaped Rey’s chest, and the collapse to her knees. She held out her lightsaber to Finn. “Please kill me. Be a good friend. Just one quick blow to the neck.”

The general sighed. “Believe me, I’d rather not know, but Dameron isn’t as quiet as he thinks.”

“Correction, ma’am, I don’t think I’m quiet at all.”

“Finn? I asked you to kill me?”

“We’re all adults, honey,” General Organa patted her shoulder.

With wobbling knees and shaking legs, Rey stood back up. “Okay, well, if you will all excuse me, I am going to go evaporate into the ether and never look any of you in the eye ever again.”

Enjoying her humiliation, the general asked, “Wasn’t is just like I said? When it happens, it’ll come naturally.”

“Why?” Rey got out in a desperate, whispered plea. The three of them burst into laughter and she went back into her quarters. She had thought to herself last night that Ben’s introduction to the Resistance hadn’t gone as poorly as possible, and it was concerning now that she felt the same way. Things not being as terrible as possible wasn’t exactly her ideal state of being, especially not in the throes of a rebellion. But she couldn’t lie - she was relieved that Finn had still been able to look at her, let alone speak to her. This probably wouldn’t help him get over his reluctance to the new plan. Maybe she’d talk to Rose, she seemed to be a calming influence of him.

Ben wasn’t still in bed, he’d gotten into the shower. Rey took a deep breath. “So...I have good news and bad news.”

“Okay,” Ben slowly acknowledged. His stiff way of speaking was slowly growing more fluid, mostly since last night. Rey thought he was probably more relaxed around her, but she also knew that he just wasn’t that stiff, First Order droid-like person that Snoke had tried to mold him into, not truly. Ben had been attracted to the Dark Side because of his anger, because his emotions were so present and so raw. She wondered how he spoke before he’d tried to train himself to be numb. Even now after all this time he’d never quite gotten a firm grasp on it. She liked that he was slowly leaving Kylo behind and embracing Ben again. Not to mention that she wanted to spend the rest of every day making him laugh because it was the most wonderful, beautiful, deep, full, thick, throaty sound. And his smile...Rey couldn’t think of anything that made her happier than to see him smile, and to know that she’d been the source of it. “I’d prefer the bad news first.”

Rey took another deep breath and, wincing, cautiously told him the dilemma. “The Resistance needs to get on your ship.”

The water abruptly cut off. He turned to her and blinked before shouthing, “ _What_?”

Wincing harder, Rey explained, “They need to see the mechanics of how it works. And the data. So they have to...take it apart.”

“No.”

“Ben.”

“Look at all that I’ve done!” he gestured wildly with his impossibly long, muscular arms. They were a bit distracting...as was his nudity.

Rey blushed. “You might want to get a towel or something. It’s hard to take you seriously when you’re...you know...”

Ben, also obviously flustered by her assertion, shook his head before quickly wrapping a towel around his waist. Droplets of water slipped off his infinitely black hair, some splashing onto her, which made her snicker. “It’s not necessary to take it apart, I can just tell them what they want to know.”

Rey frowned. Certainly Ben knew the problem with taking his word on faith. “You could,” she nodded slowly, trying to figure out a nice way to break it to him that there was no way Poe, Finn, or any of them (aside from her and his mother) would take his word for it. “But I’m not quite sure they’d be satisfied with that...method.”

“Because they wouldn’t believe me.”

She shrugged. “Is that surprising?”

Ben stalked out of the bathroom before starting to harshly yank on his clothes. “No, Rey. I’m saying no. It’s my ship. FN-21 - “ At her raised eyebrow, he rolled his eyes, but corrected himself. “ _Finn_ has information already. Hasn’t he given them what they need?”

Finally, he’d given her an in. Attempting to be as submissive and coquettish as possible, Rey blinked up at him through her eyelashes and wrapped her arms around his waist. He hadn’t put his shirt on yet and Rey could smell the soap and his skin. The wide expanse of his chest was the perfect place for her to rest her head, they’d discovered. She was tempted to do it now, but she had to keep looking up at him for this to work. “But you’re so much _stronger_ , and more _essential_ and _important_ than Finn was.”

Ben narrowed his eyes at her. “I don’t like that. It’s like you’ve been taken over by another species.” Rey grinned up at him. The fact that he didn’t like the weak, bashful person she was pretending to be made her appreciate him even more. “But you _are_ right.” With a defeated sigh, Ben finally conceded. “Fine. I suppose it will help us get to Ahch-To faster. They can smash it to pieces for all I care.”

“Thank you,” Rey smiled before finally resting her cheek against him. She inhaled deeply. She’d heard some people say that romance was supposed to sweep you off your feet, to make your knees feel weak, to make you soft. Ben never made her soft. All she felt with him was signular, whole, stronger. 

He hugged her back (as he was getting better at, she was proud to find) and rested his chin on top of her head. She felt the deep vibrations from deep in his chest when he asked, “What’s the good news?”

“Hm?”

“You said there was good news and bad news. What’s the good news?”

Rey winced, again, before trying to go back to looking cute and meek. “Try to remember that you like me.”

He gave her a skeptical expression. “And why is that necessary?”

“Because...I lied. There’s not any good news. There’s just...slightly less bad news, I think.”

“I’m starting to like you less,” Ben smirked with one side of his mouth. “What is it?”

“Well...I sort of...I said that I would go wake you to tell you that Poe and Finn wanted to get on the shuttle, and then Poe asked why you were sleeping in the middle of the day and then he and Finn kind of...made the connection.”

“So?” Ben shrugged. “Good. Now Finn will stop following you around like you’re fragile and need his protection.”

Rey held back her eye roll. Ben’s masculinity had always been extremely vulnerable and easily offended. She’d had no patience for that before he’d joined her, and she had no patience for it now. If she didn’t have to tell him something unpleasant already, she would have reminded him that he was right, she wasn’t fragile, and she didn’t need Finn - or anyone - to protect her. She’d remind him that she was her own person and she belonged to no one. Not even Ben. But she did have something else unpleasant to tell him. “Well...that’s not the end. They were kind of shouting about it, and I kept asking them to be quiet because I didn’t want your mother to hear, but...she did.”

The color drained from Ben’s face, which Rey wouldn’t actually have thought was possible if she hadn’t seen it with her own two eyes. His complexion was already pale. Now, even his scar and his beauty marks, the ones on his face that she loved to stare at when she fell asleep, like a constellation, got whiter. He dropped his arms and took a step back from her. “This was a mistake.”

Rey’s heart stopped. She didn’t think he’d be pleased by this news, but she hadn’t anticipated that it’d throw him so much that he’d attempt to revert back into Kylo Ren. Carefully, she took a step towards him and tried to take his hand, but he pulled it back. “Ben, no.”

“It was a mistake to come here.”

“It wasn’t,” she tried to urgently assure him.

“They’re never going to accept us, Rey.”

“They will!”

“They’ll come after us.”

“You’re wrong, Ben. Please, try to listen to me,” she pleaded with him. “Don’t go this way again.”

“We have to leave. Now!”

The tears sprung to her ears and she tried to rapidly blink them away. “We’re not leaving Ben. Please, please try to hear me.” She could see his chest rising and falling with every frantic breath. He did pause, at least, but he was also looking around the room, his eyes darting from side to side in a paranoid rush. She took another step towards him and this time he didn’t move away. Gently, she placed her hands on the sides of his face and tried to reach him in a low whisper. “Ben. Look at me. Please. Please look at me.” He obeyed, his jaw clenching, a bead of sweat forming on his temple. “They’re not coming after us. And if they do, we’ll be together, and I’ll be with you. Okay? Please. Please trust me. Nothing is going to happen. You’re safe here. You’re safe with me.” She watched Ben swallow, hard. His eyelids fluttered closed and he let out a sigh, pressing his forehead to hers. “It’s okay,” she whispered, before reminding him again, “You’re safe with me.”

He kissed her forehead and murmured, “Thank you,” into her hair.

“It’s okay.” _I love you._

The thought nearly made her jump. She pulled herself away from Ben’s embrace and cleared her throat. Had he heard that? He wasn’t giving any signs that he had. Was that even true? Rey shook her head. There was no time to think about that one entirely absurd thought she’d had. Ben had to meet with Poe, the General, and Holdo and go over First Order information. That was more important that what she thought, or felt, if she even thought or felt that way. She grabbed his shirt off the bed and handed it to him. “You should put this on. I don’t want to look like I’m parading you around the base.” 

“I’m sure no one would think that,” Ben smirked, pulling his tunic over his head. He shook his hair out again. It had nearly air dried and looked like it was floating around his face. Rey felt her heart swell and tried to stop it. But she did take Ben’s hand when he offered it, and she walked a little bit in front of him as they made for where the General and Holdo were discussing future plans. On second thought, maybe she didn’t mind parading him around, and maybe she didn’t mind the way everyone saw that they were holding hands, and maybe they did belong to each other after all.


	10. Part 10

“I’m finished.” The room had grown silent after Ben had finished speaking, and all eyes remained on him. He’d spent what felt like an eternity filling them in on the structure of the First Order - the hierarchy, the weapons, the ships, the fighting training, and what their plans would likely be now that he and Snoke were no longer a part of the operation. He didn’t like everyone staring at him the way they had been, and he especially hated how his mother looked; so filled with pride (that he’d done nothing to deserve). For the first time since he’d smashed it to pieces, he missed his mask. “That’s all.”

The pilot, Poe, scoffed. “My ass that’s all.”

Rey glared at him. “He’s spent nearly the past hour giving us information.”

“The FIrst Order has been aorund for what, thirty years? And all the leader of it could tell us fit in forty-five minutes?” Poe responded.

“We don’t need a history lesson on the First Order, we only need to know their present and what is likley their future,” Rey snapped.

“If there was something I was hiding, Rey and the general would be able to tell,” Ben interjected.

Again, Poe scoffed. “They’re not the most reliable sources.”

Ben took a step towards him. He’d been blessed with his father’s height. It was dumb luck that he got to threateningly tower over people. Looking down at (and on) the pilot, he bitterly asked, “Are you questioning the integrity of the general?”

Poe shook his head. “I’d never question the integrity of General Organa. Your mother, on the other hand…”

“Dameron!” Holdo scolded.

“And please, don’t insult my intelligence by asking me to take your girlfriend’s word for it.”

Ben’s anger had always simmered just below the surface. Rey was the one who could bring it out most easily, which he didn’t mind because she was also the only person (himself included) who could talk him down without him hurting something or someone. Poe was giving her a run for her money in pissing him off. “I would have assumed that such a loyal pilot would have more faith in his general.”

FN-2187 took a bold step forward to Poe’s side, glowering up at Ben. “You pickin’ now to be a mama’s boy, Ren?”

“ _Don’t_ call him that!” Rey demanded.

At the same time, Ben felt his face twitch. “I’ll stand up for your general who, yes, happens to be my mother.”

FN-2187 flicked his eyes up and down, the disgust apparent on his face. “Yeah, I guess you have to. She’s the only parent you’ve got.”

Ben was no longer in control of his own actions as FN-2187 slammed against the wall. Before he could get up, he started grasping at his throat. Ben tightened his grip, nearly crushing the traitor’s windpipe. His mother and Rey reached him at the same time. Rey yanked his hand down, hoping to break the connection, and his mother gave him a pleading, terrified look. They were saying something to him, probably imploring him to stop, but he couldn’t hear them through the blood rushing through his ears. He broke his hold on Finn and Holdo rushed to help him get up. After he’d managed to take several hungry breaths, he looked up at Rey with an expression Ben knew well. It was fury, and a touch of pure hatred. “This is what you want, Rey? _This_ guy?” he shouted.

Ben turned to face her. Her expression was one of horror. “Rey,” he reached out to her.

“ _Don’t_ touch me,” she warned before turning on her heel and storming out of the room.

Immediately, Ben attempted to follow her, but his mother called his name. He turned to face her and she closed the gap between them. “If you ever hurt one of my men again, you’re out.”

Ben knew she meant it. Out of his parents, she’d always been the more strict one. He knew that some people might have found that surprising, but his dad had been the one with the steady mischievous streak. His mother, on the other hand, had always been principled, had always been strong, had always been righteous. _Just like Rey._ He gave her a nod of acknowledgement before leaving the room.

Rey had stalked off the base and was pacing up and down in front of the face of a cliff. Her footprints made furiously red marks in the ground. “Rey,” he started. 

She whipped around to face him. “I don’t know what to do anymore, Ben.”

“Any _more_?” he barked. “ _Three days ago_ , I gave up my entire life! I apologize if I haven’t sufficiently adapted as quickly as you’d like!”

“Adapt? Why do you have to _adapt_ to not hurt people?”

“Because I was _made_ to hurt people! I’m very good at it! There’s a reason Snoke preyed on me. You said it yourself, I’m a monster.”

“I am so _sick_ of that excuse!” she shrieked. “You’re no worse or better than anyone here! You’re not the only person who’s done bad things!”

He glared at her. “You know that almost none of that is true.”

She rolled her eyes. “Fine. Yes, you and I together are stronger and more powerful than anyone here, but that doesn’t make us better than them. And yes, if you insist on being right, you’ve done worse than anyone here by far. _Including_ killing your father! You did that, Ben, and we all saw it.”

“I know that!” he roared back at her.

“Then you’ve going to have to stop trying to kill people every time they bring it up! You’re going to have to live with that for the rest of your life, so get used to it!”

“Yes, Rey, I _know_!” He heard the clink of ice as a pack of Vulptex scattered. His voice echoed through the manmade canyon they were in. He took a few tentative steps toward Rey. She didn’t flinch or step back, so he took a few more. “Snoke was never convinced that I was strong enough with the Dark. He always knew. He told me that killing my…killing Han Solo split me to the bone.” Ben found himself unable to say that he’d killed his father out loud. It had been so long since he’d thought of Han as his father, and ever since Snoke had said that, he’d been resenting it. Because all that Han had wanted was for his son to return. And now he had, so what had it all even been for? Nothing. And that made Ben’s insides hurt in ways he couldn’t name or understand.

Rey reached up and ran her hands through his hair. “It’s not a weakness to have humanity in you, Ben.”

He shook his head. “You’re wrong. It’s not a weakness to have humanity in _you_. That’s not my job in this,” he gestured to the space between them. “My role is to do what needs to be done, to ignore the emotions and accomplish the task in front of us. My humanity makes me weak.”

Rey’s eyes softened. “It doesn’t. You’re only human, you’re allowed to feel like one. You’re allowed to be afraid.”

“No,” he insisted, “you’re not. Not as a Jedi. Not if you want to be good, like you.” Rey blushed. “Do you know what Yoda told my grandfather when he was a boy? He said he shouldn’t be trained as a Jedi, but Obiwan went against him and did it anyway. Master Yoda said that Anakin had too much fear in him. He said it leads to hate, and that hare leads to suffering. He said that fear was a direct path to the Dark Side.”

Rey blinked up at him. “I always thought that was just a myth. Like a story you tell a child when you want them to be brave.”

“Well, my uncle told me that, and he’s not in the business of telling bedtime stories.”

“I should hope not. That would be a terrible bedtime story,” Rey pointed out.

A puff of laughter escaped Ben’s lips. “Yes it would.”

Rey took a deep breath before lacing her fingers through his. “You don’t have to let your fear rule your emotions.”

“How would you know?” he asked. “You’re never afraid.”

She blanched. “Ben, I’m _always_ afraid! I was afraid to take your hand in the throne room, afraid to tell you my plan, afraid to take you back here, afraid to even…” She cleared her throat and looked down. “I was afraid to want you, and afraid to admit it.”

“Well let me ease your fears,” Ben offered, using his hands to connect hers behind his back. “I want you, too.”

Rey smiled up at him. “I’ve picked up on that.”

Ben lifted her off the ground a little, squeezing her in a hug that, for someone weaker, would have been painful. When he’d placed her back on her feet, he kissed her forehead and pulled her close. He was willing to consider the possibility that Rey was right. Maybe he had never been destined for darkness. Maybe he’d just been too afraid.

From the open entrance of the base, there was an, “Ahem.” Ben and Rey broke apart and turned towards the sound. Rose was standing there, hands behind her back, eyes down. “General Organa and Admiral Holdo need to see you both.”

A flush rose to Rey’s cheeks, but she still held Ben’s hand. “I know how much you care for Finn. It must be…odd for you to see Ben and I this way.”

Rose looked far more uncomfortable than Rey, which Ben thought was impossible. Still, Rose proved him wrong. “Romance isn’t exactly my area of expertise,” she assessed. Ben would have been content to leave it at that, but she coninued. “From what I’ve heard, love can get…complicated.”

Ben noticed Rey’s eye twitch at the word. It was strong, he reasoned. If she wasn’t ready to use it yet of course he understood. Surely, if that even was the way she felt, he’d have heard her think it by now. Of course Ben felt that way, but his feelings were, and had always been, closer to the surace than Rey’s. “Do you know what this is about?” he asked, to change the subject.

Rose shook her head. “They didn’t say.”

“It’s probably to reprimand me,” Ben asserted. Rey gave him a shrug that meant, essnetially, “You were asking for it,” and then headed back inside the compound.

“If it is,” Rose spoke up from behind him, “you deserve it.”

Ben turned around and looked her in the eye. “I know.”

Rose nodded. “Good.”

As it turned out, the general hadn’t called him back to reprimand him. Ben felt a brief moment of relief as his mother asked him and Rey to flesh our their plans for the future. He was also relieved to see that FN-2187 and the pilot had left the room. The admiral, who he’d notices was usually calm and composed, gave him a quick look of disgust when he first entered. Ben pretended not to notice, more for her benefit than his. He didn’t want to shatter the illusion that was her seemingly serene nature. Ben was happy to stare at his boots while Rey explained the plan to them. When she was finished, Admiral Holod had the first question. “How, exactly, would you determine if there is potential to, for instance, bring back the Empire or the First Order, rather than someone who may be negatively motivated but relatively harmless?”

“Ben and I will be able to determine the difference. Mostly Ben. We balance each other out, the dark and the light. I’m sure you could figure out who is which,” Rey told them.

“And if he feels the pull to the Dark Side again?” Ben’s mother asked. His face reacted before he could identify the emotion he was feeling - which was annoyance and frustration. Surely, his own mother could see how much he was willing to sacrifice, and how much he already _had_ sacrificed, and know that he wasn’t going to turn that way again. No, this wasn’t his mother asking, it was General Leia Organa, who had to ask to make it look like she was impartial, to make it look like she was still leading and in control. HIs mother had more faith in him than that…or at least, he tried to convince himself that this was the case.

“I have Rey,” he spoke up, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. She beamed up at him. “When I feel the call back to the Dark Side, she brings me back.”

“You still feel that way now?” Holdo asked. She tried to sound steady, but Ben detected the fear in her voice. He resented it (she had no idea how the Force worked or how he had been naturally predisposed to lean on the Dark Side since infancy), but certainly couldn’t blame her.

Rey took up for him, as she’d been doing since they got here. She even did it when it was Ben she needed to stand up to. “He only just left the First Order yesterday. It’s likely that it will take time for him to stabilize. That’s why we have to go back to Ahch-To, so he can learn how to manage it.”

“Manage?” Holdo blurted out, her calm exterior beginning to crumble. “If he completes his training with Luke Skywalker, why would the darkness within him still exist?”

“That’s not exactly how it works,” Rey slowly tried to assure the admiral.

The general placed a comforting hand on the admiral’s shoulder. “He’s always been that way. It started when he was just a boy. It’s like preferring one food over another - he was just born that way.”

“We need Ben’s power,” Rey added. “Luke was too idealistic, and optimistic, for that matter. He didn’t have a balance. It’s how Kylo Ren was able to be created. Of course, Luke didn’t want to believe that his nephew was capable of the darkness inside him. Which is a nice thought, but not what was necessary at the time.”

Holdo gestured to Rey. “We’ve all seen you and gotten to know you. I’ve never had the honor of meeting Luke Skywalker, but if he’s as…idealistic as you say, I don’t imagine it’s similar to you. You’re not naive, Rey, and I’ve said before that you’ve proven yourself to be strong-willed and capable.”

Ben smirked with one corner of his mouth and caught Rey’s eye out of the side of his. She was trying to hold back her grin, as well. Holdo was obviously trying to write Ben out of the equation. The joke was on her - little knowing, ignorant Holdo who wasn’t strong with the Force, who merely believed it existed in others. 

“My brother is all of those things, too,” General Organa told the admiral. “And still, he made…the choices that he made. Which brings me to another point. Ben, how are you certain that you should go to Ahch-To? The last time you tried to train there, it didn’t exactly go well.”

“How would you know?” Ben snapped.

“Hey,” Rey tried to calm him in a soothing tone, softly rubbing her hand in circles on his back. She’d felt the hurt in him as he’d watched his parents (and Chewie) leave him on Ahch-To, where they’d taken him because they were too afraid of him to know what to do with. 

His mother didn’t even blink. “Because you joined a cult and went on a murdering spree.”

Rey attempted to ease the tentsion that everyone in the room could feel start to solidify. “I think you might be oversimplifying what Ben went through.”

Ignoring this assertion, Ben replied to his mother, “Does that make you feel better? To pretend it was in my nature, or it was because of Luke and his failings, and that you and my father had nothing to do with it?”

“This might not be the best time for this conversation,” Holdo speculated.

“Surely, you’re not blaming _me_ for the choices you made,” his mother continued the fight. 

Ben had a retort. He’d been having this argument with her in his head for years, practically foaming at the mouth with the thought of getting to tell her the truth - that she had failed him as a parent. 

All of a sudden, Rey’s voice broke into his thoughts. _Let it go for now_ , she urged him. _It will only make you angrier and you’ll act out. Show them that this will work. Show them the Ben Solo who I know._ Ben looked at her. She gave him a squeeze around his waist, and gave him the strength to let out a breath and ease the tension in his shoulders. “Admiral Holod is right. We can discuss this further at a more appropriate time.”

His mother visibly relaxed and Rey let out a sign of relief. After clearing the arguments out of her throat, General Organa continued her line of questioning. “So we defeat the First Order and you two go to Ahch-To to become defenders of the galaxy.” Ben felt Rey bristle beside him, and he couldn’t help but feel mild irritation at his mother’s tone. “What exactly are we supposed to tell the Storm Troopers who are left? War’s over, go home?”

“Funny you should mention that,” the pilot spoke up from behind them. He had just re-entered the room with FN-2187. “Finn’s got a plan.”


	11. Part 11

“I told you two to go check on the progress the others were making dismantling Ben’s ship,” General Organa told the boys. That was how Rey had come to think of Finn and Poe, simply as “the boys.” She couldn’t deny that it made her heart swell to see it, or Finn’s friendship with Rose. Not too long ago he’d been one of the Storm Troopers with no home and no family that Leia had been wondering about. Now he had a home, and a family, all around him.  
“Yeah, we stayed and listened at the door instead,” Poe told her.   
Leia threw her hands up in frustration. “Why do I even bother giving you two orders?”  
“I’ve been wondering that myself, ma’am,” Poe responded.  
“What’s the plan, Finn?” Holdo asked, clearly trying to get the conversation back on track.  
“I can pretty much guarantee that I’m not the only Storm Trooper in that operation who wanted out. I think a lot of them will be more than happy to leave.”  
“Yes, but leave and go _where_?” the general asked.  
“The First Order keeps meticulous records on all of our…” Ben paused before correcting himself. Rey gave him a supportive squeeze, enjoying his correction, enjoying his more solid place in all of this, and enjoying that she didn’t have to hide her feelings anymore, from Ben or the others. “ _Their_ members. We’ll be able to tell them where they came from and who their parents are.”  
The look on Finn’s face nearly broke Rey’s hear, even as she’d just been so happy for him. “You know where my parents are?” Finn asked him.  
Ben nodded slightly. “Not at present, but I know how to figure it out.”  
Rey couldn’t help but feel excited. She was happy for Finn, but her emotions were for a more selfish reason. If Ben did this for Finn, maybe they’d be able to get along…eventually…one day…  
Poe nudged Finn. “Tell them the next part buddy.”  
“Right,” Finn shook his head, moving on from the possibility of meeting his parents for the first time. “Well, between Poe, Rose, and myself, we have skills that we can teach them, so they can be useful once they get out. There will be a few holdouts, but apparently he and Rey think they can handle it.” He was obviously still unwilling to use Ben’s given name.  
Rey gave him an encouraging smile. “That’s a really good plan, Finn.”  
He ignored her and looked to the general and the admiral for approval. “We’ll have to think about the logistics on that, but good work you two. Now, please, go do what I told you to do,” the general nearly begged them.  
“Yes, ma’am,” Poe grinned, pleased with her reaction.  
Leia turned back to Rey and Ben. “Do you mind?” she asked, gesturing to where they stood with their arms around each other. Rey jumped away from Ben. He smirked and showed her an image of how he wanted to react; with a passionate, nearly vulgar kiss. Rey giggled. “And don’t do that, either. First of all, you’re not the only people with the Force in this room, and I don’t need to see that. Second, it’s annoying.”  
Just to further annoy her, Ben thought, rather than said aloud, “Sorry Mother.” Rey tried not to giggle at Leia’s flat, unamused glare, but failed.  
“Don’t you encourage him,” she pointed an accusing finger at Rey. “You’re supposed to be the good one.”  
“I’m sorry,” Holdo interrupted, “what’s happening?”  
The general shook her head. “Nothing. My son is making up for the time he missed being a rebellious teenager. Anyway, you two, now what?”  
Rey cleared her throat. “Well, I haven’t discussed this with Ben, but I think before we attack the First Order, the Resistance needs to replenish its troops.”  
“We’re putting out distress calls as often as we can,” Holdo told them.  
“Good. While you’re doing that, Ben and I should go back to Ahch-To. Neither of us completed our training, and we should before we lead the attack. Also, I think it would probably make everyone more comfortable if we could prove to Luke that Kylo Ren is gone, and Ben is with us now.”  
“I agree,” Ben confirmed, but Rey knew his intentions weren’t entirely pure. He liked it better when they were alone together. Now just because of the sex, he just enjoyed the freedom. Rey didn’t hate the idea, either.  
“That might be best for everyone, for you two to get away. It might give people more time to adjust to Ben being so…present,” Holdo tried to tell them diplomatically.  
General Organa spoke up. “I agree, too. I’ll tell the others to refuel the Falcon so you can leave tomorrow.”  
Rey winced. She was practically pushing her son out the door just as he’d come back. She felt the pain cut through Ben’s heart. The truth was that certainly Rey’s parents had abandoned her, and of course she could resent them for that (although she didn’t, finding it pointless), but Ben’s family was different. Rey’s parents hadn’t loved her, but they hadn’t been there to do it. She had no idea how painful it must be to have your parents right there, and still not feeling the unconditional love they were supposed to have. So many of his choices were incomprehensible to her, and she would certainly never understand how or why he could have killed his own father. But she was starting to see that Han and Leia hadn’t been the perfect parents and made their fair share of mistakes.  
When they had agreed and left the room, Rey reached out for Ben’s arm, but he’d already started stalking away. He looked to terrifying like that, but she knew he wouldn’t stop. He liked the fear of others (mostly because it kept them from bothering him), and it was a relatively harmless offense. When they got back to their quarters, he activated his lightsaber and tore a furious cut through the wall. “Ben! Please! You can’t do that, the whole place might collapse!”  
“I don’t _care_! He roared at her. She tried to urge him to quiet down but it was useless, not that she was surprised. “Do you see this, Rey? Do you see what I’ve told you? My mother leaves as soon as I get here, takes _no_ responsibility for _anything_ she’s done, and can’t get me out of here fast enough!”   
Rey reached up, placing her hands on the sides of his beautiful and delicate face. “I know, Ben. And you’re right, I’m starting to see that I didn’t have all the facts. But she loves you, truly she does.” Rey did think she was right about that, but she also knew why Ben wasn’t so sure.  
“Then maybe she could act like it,” he curtly assessed.  
Rey shrugged. “She’s doing the best she can.” Before Ben could respond, Rey stood on her toes and placed a kiss on his mouth. His body temperature got cooler, his heart slowed, and he deactivated his lightsaber. She broke away. “There you are.”  
He let out a deep breath. “Thank you. I’m sorry.”  
Rey blinked. “That’s the first time you’ve said that to me.”  
“It’s not…something that comes easily to me,” he begrudgingly admitted.   
“That’s no surprised, given the stubbornness you’ve inherited,” Rey smirked. “But if you did learn to say that more, they might like you better,” she jerked her head in the direction of the rest of the Resistance.  
Ben shrugged. “I don’t care about that.”  
“Well I do.”  
“Why?”  
_Because I love you._ Rey shook her head. “I just do.” What was going on with her today? Again, Ben made no indication that he’d sensed the thought, which was a great relief.  
There was a knock on the door and Ben’s eyes narrowed. “It’s my mother.”  
“I know,” Rey frowned, unsure of why she was here. She opened the door, wanting to spare another fight, which seemed far too likely at the moment. “Is something the matter? We were just discussing our approach with Luke.”  
“I’d like to speak with my son,” the general insisted.  
Rey looked back at where Ben was still glaring in their direction. “Um…he’s…taking a shower, but I’ll tell him you were looking for him.   
The general’s eyelids squinted into slits. “Don’t lie, Rey, you’re not good at it. My son is just behind this door, resenting me as much as he can.”  
Embarrassed that she’d been caught and feeling guilty that she hadn’t been able to protect Ben, Rey’s stomach sank as she opened the door wider for the general and she entered. “Get that look off your face,” she snapped immediately at Ben.   
“Let’s just everybody try to remain civil,” Rey attempted, wishing Holdo was there.  
Neither one of them seemed to pay any attention to her. “Please spare me the commands now. I’m an adult. You missed your chance to give me rules.”  
“And why is that, Ben? Because you went to Snoke!”  
Ben glances at Rey, obviously confused. “I don’t think he told her the whole truth of what happened that night,” she explained.  
“How convenient for him!”  
Leia turned to Rey. “What did happen that night? You only said that Luke had gotten something wrong.”  
Before Rey could answer, Ben shouted, “He tried to _kill me_!”  
Leia turned from Ben, to Rey, to Ben, and back again. “Is this true?”  
“Why are you asking _her_?” Ben questioned, enraged.  
“Because, Ben, you keep shouting at me, and I don’t enjoy being shouted at!”  
Ben took a few steps towards his mother, towering menacingly over her. “That’s now why.”  
Rey tried to caution him. “Ben, please, try to keep calm. Nothing will be accomplished this way.”  
“He’s a Skywalker, Rey, we don’t keep calm very well,” the general answered, before asking Ben, “What do you mean?”  
“Say it,” he hissed. “You’re asking her because you know her and you don’t know me.”  
Rey felt the general’s pain…she thought. It didn’t feel the same as when she felt Ben’s emotions. It might have just been a sympathy pang, right in her stomach. She was certain that Leia had to feel pain at this statement from her son…but Rey couldn’t feel or see it.  
The general’s jaw clenched, exactly like Ben’s did so often. Keeping her composure, she nodded. “Yes, Ben. You’re right. I know her, and I know my brother, and you’ve been gone a long time.”  
“And whose fault is that?”  
Rey felt her nostrils flare when Leia rolled her eyes. How could she attempt to ask for respect when she refused Ben the same courtesy? “I’m sure it’s entirely mine so I would like to know how, and would someone explain to me what happened with Luke?”  
Rey stood next to Ben, making it clear that while, yes, she was a resistance fighter, she was first and foremost Ben’s partner in the galaxy, the light to his dark. And she would put up a united from, against the general or anyone else. “He’s telling the truth,” she confirmed, resenting the fact that she even had to.  
The general closed her eyes and let out a sigh, obviously disappointed. “Why…why would he do something like that?”  
“The same reason you sent me away.”  
Again, Rey’s heart seared as Leia rolled her eyes. She was feeling her own emotions now, and didn’t dare try to tap into Ben’s because she didn’t think she could bear it. “We didn’t send you away.”  
“And what do you call leaving me on an island with a group of strangers?” Ben asked.  
“We thought Luke could help you.”  
“You were afraid of me!” Ben accused.  
This time, finally, his mother had a reaction that made sense to Rey, a look of anguish. “Your father and I were not afraid of you, Ben, we loved you!”  
Ben turned his back to her and stalked to the other side of the room. “I don’t want to hear this!”  
Leia continued. “We knew you needed more help than we could give you! Rey,” she tried to appeal to her. “Please, tell him.”  
Rey didn’t appreciate being dragged into the middle of their family argument, but for all intents and purposes, this was her family now. Ben was her family, and she didn’t quite understand why the general thought she wouldn’t side with him. He was a part of her and she couldn’t refuse to defend him any more than she’d refuse to stand up for herself. “You _were_ afraid of him,” she carefully confirmed Ben’s accusation.   
Leia blinked, shocked and probably at least a little bit betrayed by Rey’s response. “We knew…yes, we knew that Ben would be powerful and we sensed the darkness within him and your father and I,” she turned back to Ben, “weren’t strong enough to go head-to-head with Snoke! Now someone please tell me what happened with my brother!”  
Ben whipped back around. “He sensed the darkness in me, too, Mother. And he tried to kill me. _In my sleep._ ”  
Again, she turned to Rey for confirmation. “Just listen to him, he’s telling the truth!” Rey shouted. A few days ago she wouldn’t have dared even imaging yelling at the general, but this wasn’t the general now, she was Ben’s mother, and she wasn’t been a particularly good one at the moment.  
“There must have been some misunderstanding. Luke would never do that!”  
“Well he did!”  
“He did, he admitted it to me,” Rey added. She didn’t try to reach out to Ben, to comfort him. She knew that she as supposed to be balancing him out, but right now, she had no desire to. His mother was completely disregarding everything her son was saying.  
“Then why would you go to Snoke? Why wouldn’t you come back to me and your father?” Leia asked, obviously desperate to make sense of any of this.  
“Because Snoke was the only one who wanted me! Who hadn’t abandoned me!”  
Leia’s eyes welled with tears. “Ben, we didn’t abandon you!”  
Again, Ben activated his lightsaber and tore another gash through the wall, letting out his familiar roar of anger. “I’m finished with this!” he declared before taking only a few giant strides towards the door and all but running over his mother. She fell to her knees, which may not have been his intent, but he certainly didn’t try to stop it.  
Rey’s heart dropped when the door opened to reveal Connix and Rose repairing an X-Wing that had been damaged in a battle. All they saw, of course, was an infuriated Kylo Ren, with his lightsaber, and his mother on the ground. Both of them immediately drew their weapons. “Stop!” Rey called out.  
It was too late. Rose’s scream pierced the air, echoing through the base. “Finn! Poe!”  
“It’s not what it looks like!” Rey tried to explain in a rush.  
The general struggled to her feet. “Rose, Lieutenant, please, I’m fine.”  
“Son of a bitch!” Finn exclaimed once he reached them. When he and Poe also drew their blasters, Rey had no choice but to activate her lightsaber as well. Finn’s expression was one of pain, and then disgust. Rey’s heart clenched. To see that expression on the face of the first friend she’d ever had cut her in ways she’d never felt before. “Don’t do this, Rey. Don’t go with him.”  
“No Finn,” she retorted, “ _you_ don’t do this. You’ve seen how powerful we are together, you don’t want to fight us.” It was no use now to explain what had happened, and frankly, she didn’t want to. All anyone had been doing since he’d arrived was antagonizing him. They hadn’t given him a chance to be himself, to show that he could be soft, and beautiful. They argued with him and insulted him and expected him to take it. Well Rey wasn’t going to let them do that anymore. She wasn’t going to sit back and let them hurt someone she loved, just as she hadn’t let Ben do it to Finn.  
“I have to say,” Poe spoke up in a dark tone, “this is a disappointing, Rey.”  
“I’m sorry to have disappointed you,” she sarcastically apologized. “You have _all_ been failing Ben Solo since before he got here! His own mother has since before he was even born!” she shouted throughout the base. “You know nothing about him!”  
“We know enough,” Finn argued. “He’s hurt everyone here!”  
“And did you ever ask why? Did you ever want to hear about all of the people who had hurt him?”  
“I don’t care.” Rey was surprised by Rose’s backbone, not unpleasantly so. She would have appreciated it more if she was on their side, but Rose’s courage made Rey feel more comfortable with the idea of leaving Finn, possibly forever. “I don’t care who hurt him, nothing he’s done can be justified by what happened in his past.”  
“You don’t know anything about it!” Ben snapped at her. “You’ve never been important enough to be preyed upon, to be wanted by anyone, not even Snoke, not even the First Order.”  
Again, Rose just shook her head, bemused, and answered, “I don’t care.” She stuck her blaster back in its holster. “You’re right. It would be pointless to fight you. But we can still tell Luke Skywalker what you’ve done, and we’ll be here, with _your_ mother, who you _wish_ loved you just a fraction as much as she loves leading the Resistance.”   
“Tico! Stand down! Stand down, all of you!” Leia turned from her soldiers and pilots back to Ben and Rey. “Go. Now.” They started to make for the Flacon but the general gripped Ben’s arm. “Ben,” she started, her eyes welling with tears again. “Please. Your father loved you very much. And I love you, very much. I know I wasn’t the perfect mother, but I do love you with all of my heart.”  
Ben nodded. “I think you do,” he put her at ease. “But sometimes that’s not enough.”  
“Chewie, Artoo, you’re coming with us,” Rey commanded them.  
“I’m not going anywhere with him,” Chewie groaned in protest.  
“Chewie, just _go_ ,” the general insisted, and Rey could hear the tears in her throat.   
When the Falcon was back en route to Ahch-To, Rey turned Ben. “How are you?” He merely shrugged. “Come here.” She drew him to her, resting his head in her lap. When they were physically touching like this, she could feel his disappointment weighing down her heart. All he had ever wanted was to be held like this, to be loved like this, and Rey would do it. Wiping away the tears tumbling down her face, she kissed his soft, warm cheek before whispering in his ear, “I will never leave you. You will never be alone again. We’ll finish this, and then go back to Ahch-To, and they’ll never bother us ever again.”  
Ben turned up to face her and she placed her lips against his. Ben pressed down on her neck, deepening the kiss. They both started to laugh, but kept kissing. When Rey pulled away, Ben blinked up at her, and her heart gave a violent wrench. For a split second, she saw such a soft and vulnerable face, so sweet and longing to be good. It must have been how he’d looked the night Luke had nearly taken him out of this world. She wished she’d known him then. She wished she’d been there to help him. She wished she’d gotten him for more time.  
_Oh, how much I love you._  
“Thank you.”  
Rey blushed. Had he heard that? “For what?”  
“For standing up for me. For being on my side.”  
She smiled down at him, lacing her fingers through his. “Our side. I’m on our side. It’s the only side there is. I’m always going to fight for it.”  
Ben closed his eyes. “I know.” And that time, Rey wasn’t sure which one of them thought, _I love you._


	12. Part 12

The sun was rising over the island when Chewie shook Rey awake. “Okay, okay, I’m up,” she yawned. Ben stirred in her lap before sitting up, blinking his eyes open. She brushed some errant black strands off his forehead – how did his hair always become such a mess? – and told him, “We’re almost there.”

Ben rubbed his eyes. “I hope so because if that Wookie woke me up for nothing – “

“I’d like to see you try,” Chewie threatened.

Rey clenched her jaw and let out a groan. “Can we please have _one_ moment’s peace?” she begged them both.

They apologized in unison. The silence was tense for several painful minutes. Eventually, Chewie reached forward and pulled the gold dice Han had left hanging from one of the mirrors. He nudged Ben’s shoulder. “I guess these are yours now.”

Ben turned around, his mouth slightly agape. He was clearly surprised by this act of kindness. Rey was, too, but she almost didn’t want to acknowledge it at all, lest Chewie change his mind. “Thank you, Chewie,” he nodded.

The Wookie grumbled his response before heading back to prepare the Falcon for landing. When Ben looked to Rey, she couldn’t help but smile as he showed her a million different times like this; bickering over who had shot first in the cantina, his father or Greedo; who was stronger Jedi, Luke or Obi Wan; when rough housing had gone too far and one of them had gotten hurt. Leia would demand that they go to opposite corners of the Falcon, and a few minutes later Chewie would come ambling over with an apology and to see if Ben wanted to play a new game. “If the whole galaxy knew that Kylo Ren was so sweet, they’d never be afraid of you again,” Rey smiled at him, feeling her heart warm up from the inside out. She’d just been wishing last night that she’d known Ben for longer. She liked these glimpses into his past. It was like peeking into the person she could have known, if only they’d met back then before everything got…darker.

“Exactly,” Ben surrendered, placing a kiss on her mouth, “so please don’t tell anyone.”

“Can you two fly this thing instead of flirting before we crash?” Chewie groaned, any fondness for the boy he used to know obviously used up.

“And you’d better figure out what you’re going to say to Luke,” Artoo beeped, “or both of you might be dead as soon as you get off this ship.”

The Falcon lowered onto a small, flat piece of earth on Ahch-To and Rey took a deep breath. “Are you ready for this?” she asked.

Ben shrugged. “I haven’t been ready for anything that’s happened in the past four days, but here we are.”

Figuring that this was true, Rey nodded and made for the exit. They’d thought about the best way to make every move since she and Ben had made the decision to work together and still they’d been practically chased off Crait. There was no use in planning out how they hoped others would react. Right before she left, she turned around so quickly that Ben almost ran into her. “Just…please try to stay calm and…don’t break anything.”

“That’s not fair,” Ben shook his head. “I don’t ask you not to be righteous and naïve.”

Rey pinched his arm and he drew her into him. She let him waste their time, giggling and kissing. It was the first chance they’d gotten to be silly and carefree, to act like normal people instead of who- or whatever they were. Did everyone feel like this? She couldn’t imagine anyone else having the love that she had for Ben but of course, she was completely biased. 

“Get out!” Chewie groaned, obviously offended by their affectionate behavior.

Laughing at his discomfort, they departed the Falcon. Everything was as Rey had left it, except…

“What happened there?” Ben asked, pointing to where there had clearly been a fire.

Rey shook her head at the ashen remains of the uneti tree. “I have no idea.”  
There was squawking from some of the Lanais and Rey braced herself. No doubt they were alerting Luke to the fact that he had two visitors. She took Ben’s hand and they headed over to inspect the charred remains of the tree stump. Sure enough, it wasn’t long before, from behind them, they heard, “I have a bad feeling about this.”

Rey looked at Ben, whose jaw was clenched. She had no idea how the two men were going to react to being face to face once more. Taking a deep breath, they turned around to face the Jedi Master. Before either of them could think of anything to say, Luke nodded slowly. “Ah. I get it now. I see the nature of the relationship between you two has changed.”

Rey nodded enthusiastically. “It has.”

“I can see that. You haven’t tried to kill each other in…days,” Luke assessed. “It makes sense. Just the other night I felt a sense of balance and peace in the Force that I haven’t felt since the end of the war, on Endor.”

A blush creeped up Rey’s neck. She’d wondered if what she and Ben had was so powerful that other people would be able to feel or sense it. Apparently, they had. Ben looked down at his boots, but Rey could tell that he was trying to hold back a smirk. He wasn’t like her, not embarrassed that people knew, even if that person included his uncle. He liked power and control, he liked this way of getting across to other people that Rey was his partner and that they were stronger than they’d ever been before.

Luke broke into her thoughts. “I assume you two have considered the…” he paused, struggling to find the right word, “consequences of your actions.”

He clearly meant something specific, but Rey didn’t know what. “You mean…with the galaxy? Or the Force?”

Luke looked from her, to Ben, and back again. “No, with…” He took a deep breath before holding a hand up. “Yeah, I can’t do this. I’m sure you’ll be fine. And please, never ask me about it again.” Then he turned from them and headed back up one of Ahch-To’s many steep hills.

Rey turned to Ben, who just shrugged. “Don’t you want to know why we’re here?” she asked, following Luke.

He turned back around to face them. “I don’t know, because you two see it as your mission in life to bother me?”

“We’ve come to complete our training,” she corrected him.

He didn’t even take time to think it over before answering, “No.”

“What?” Rey asked. “No? Just like that?” 

“Not ‘just like that’,” Luke argued. “I have tried, and failed, to train you both. How many times do I have to tell you? That’s not my job.”

“Then what is your job?” Ben asked, speaking up for the first time.

“I’m not exactly sure anymore,” he admitted, “but I’m assuming it has something to do with fading into oblivion.”

“As much as I wouldn’t mind that,’ Ben darkly assured him, “we need your help.” If Rey knew Ben less, if she’d heard him say that even two weeks ago, it would have chilled her to the bone. But now she understood. Ben wasn’t saying it because he wanted to, or for someone else to, exterminate his uncle. He was hurt. He’d been hurt for years. Rey gave his hand, which she hadn’t stopped holding, a supportive squeeze.

Luke shook his head. “No you don’t. Not to train.”

“What do you mean?” Rey asked.

He gestured to Ben. “He’s stronger than I ever was. With the Dark Side, yes, but he’s strong, and now that he’s chosen to be with you, Rey, I’m assuming he intends t use his strength for good. As for you, your training is complete.”

“Complete? It hardly started!” she protested.

Pointing to where the uneti tree had stood, Luke told them, “Master Yoda appeared to me right over there. He said you were strong enough to do it on your own and that I should trust you. I don’t, but I trust him.”

“You’re right,” Ben nodded. “Rey and I are stronger than any other force in the galaxy. When we fight together, we’ve proven ourselves to be unstoppable. We killed Snoke, then all of his guards, then we fought off the First Order together. We don’t need your help to be strong, or to fight, or to win.”

“Do you have a point?” Luke asked, raising an eyebrow.

Rey couldn’t answer, still stunned into silence. Master Yoda – _the_ Yoda, who had met Obi Wan Kenobi, who had warned him against training Anakin Skywalker, who had survived the Clone Wars against all odds, who had trained Luke himself – _Yoda_ knew who she was? And furthermore, he thought that she was strong? Ready to be a Jedi? It was too much for her to wrap her head around.

“I need your help to learn how to resist the Dark Side. I know it was never strong in you, but you felt it. When the Emperor made you fight Darth Vader, I know you felt it. I need you to help me learn how to resist the pull to go that way again. And…we need you. The Resistance needs you. I can’t be of any help to them if they never trust that I’m not longer a weapon of the First Order or the Dark Side. If you can convince them, and come and fight with us, we can defeat the First Order, once and for all, and return balance to the Force.”

Rey’s heart sank. Luke didn’t even seem to consider Ben’s appeal to him. “I can’t help you, Ben.”

“Why not?” she demanded, tears of frustration stinging her eyes. 

“Because that’s not what he wants,” Luke answered.

But that…that couldn’t be right, Rey tried to convince herself, even as the bile slithered up the back of her throat. Ben…he did want this. They’d talked about it, and she’d felt – no, seen – how much he wanted…hadn’t she? Hadn’t Ben said that he wanted this? Or…or had he only agreed with her when she said she wanted it? Had he only come up with the plan of going to Ahch-To because she’d made him? At first…when he’d first held his hand out to her in the throne room…he hadn’t wanted to take a passive role, to be a balancing force in the galaxy. He’d wanted her to rule with him.

But things were different now! They’d shared so much together. And he’d actually reunited with his mother. It hadn’t exactly gone well, but of course it wasn’t going to be perfect. And…she’d let him…and he’d let her see his beautiful, warm smile, the one that took her breath away. Surely, after all that…

Ben dropped her hand and took a strong step towards Luke. Rey shivered and held her breath. “You’re right,” Ben nodded. “That’s not what I want.”

The small, meek voice that escaped Rey’s lips wasn’t one that she recognized as her own. “Ben?”

He turned back to her. His jaw clenched, his bottom lip starting to quiver. It was the face he made when he was conflicted about something. No, she thought, her throat dropping into her heart, her heart plummeting into her stomach. He wasn’t going to do this to her, not here, not now. “This isn’t in my nature, Rey. You know that. I’d just as soon let them waste each other.” Then, he turned back to Luke. “But Rey is…she’s a part of me that I never knew existed. The part of me that was conflicted, that wasn’t taken over by Snoke, she’s there. She could be made from my blood and bone. She could have been born from my muscle and marrow. What she wants is what I want. If she wanted a second sun I wouldn’t sleep until I’d brought her one.”

Rey wiped a tear off her cheek, because Ben’s words were so beautiful, and because she’d doubted him. 

“Everything that I have done in the past several days, all of it, is because I can’t spend any more time without her. So no. I don’t want to gain your trust, to fight for the Resistance, or to end the First Order. I have to. I have to do those things, for Rey, and for myself.”

Luke’s eyebrows raised. “Amazing.” He looked from Ben to Rey before shaking his head once again. “But I can’t help you.”

What Rey wanted was to clobber Ben, to kiss him all over his face and make love to him right there outside in the middle of the grass. But she restrained herself and stormed after Luke. “And why not?” she shouted, again demanding answers. “You can see into Ben Solo, you can see that he’s being honest and true. Stop!” she shouted, holding an arm out and catching him mid-step. She turned him around, forcing him to face her. “You’ve been hiding away on this island for years blaming yourself for creating Kylo Ren! Well now Ben is here, and we need your help, and you have _nothing_ to say!”

Luke looked down, shifted the ground below Rey’s feet, causing her to break the connection. “There’s nothing I can teach you,” he insisted once he was firmly back on the ground. “I don’t know how to resist the call to the Dark Side because I’ve never felt it as strongly as Ben does! I can’t help you convince the Resistance that he’s _cured_ ,” he said with mock and disgust, “because I don’t think he is! And I will not be held responsible for your next mistakes!” He took several sharp inhales before finally ending the discussion. “I owe you _nothing_ ,” he spat. This time, they didn’t try to follow him as he turned his back on them and walked away.

Rey’s fists clenched so hard she thought she might bleed. From somewhere far away, she heard Ben say her name, but her blood was rushing through her ears to fast and hard for her to pay attention. She let out a frustrated yell that, frankly, seemed more like something Ben would do, and stalked off to the shore. Furious like she’d never felt before, she kicked every rock in her bath, causing several porgs to fly away in fear. When she reached the sand, she activated her lightsaber and cut through part of the rock. With another shout, she drew back her foot before jamming it into the leathery leg of a sloppy thala-siren, and immediately felt guilty about it (even though the animal hardly seemed to notice). Finally, she turned back around to Ben, who was smirking. When he was sure she was finished with her tantrum, he pointed out, “I’ve never been on the other side of that before.”

Rey deactivated her lightsaber. “Well…you’re welcome.”

Ben, in an obviously unfamiliar position, mirrored what Rey did in these situations. Gently, he cupped Rey’s face in his hands and placed a soft kiss on her lips. When he pulled away, he asked, “Feel better?”

“No,” she huffed out.

He nodded. “I know.”

She shrugged. “I thought it was worth a try.” Then, she leaned her body into his. He wrapped his arms around her in that tight embrace that always made her feel so strong and safe. She resented that it made her feel stronger. She’d never needed anyone else to feel strong in her life. But that was all a part of it, of what she and Ben shared together – it wasn’t all good, and it wasn’t all bad. That was where the Jedi existed, somewhere in the middle of those poles. 

Ben kissed the top of her head. “It won’t always be like this.”

“How do you know?” she asked, her voice muffled by his chest.

“Because it can’t be. We’ll get Luke, and when we get Luke we get the Resistance, and when we get the Resistance, we can fight the First Order and end this whole thing. It’s what we’re meant to do, remember?”

Rey sighed into him more. _Let the past die_ , he’d advised her. _Kill it, if you have to. It’s the only way to become what you’re meant to be._ Well she was trying, but it seemed like no one else was interested in doing that. Not even Ben, now that she thought about it. Maybe he’d thought he could before, but if he could, then would he get so angry at Finn bringing up that he’d killed Han? Would he still resent his mother so much? Maybe it had been an unrealistic idea in the first place. Life wasn’t that simple, especially with people you loved. She blinked up at Ben. “That was really beautiful, what you said to Luke.”

“It’s true. But I’m sorry if it upset you.”

“I was a little worried,” she admitted.

He nodded. “That’s okay.”

“It isn’t,” she argued. “I can hardly be angry at anyone else for not trusting you when I…have my own moments.”

“Yeah you can,” Ben breezily shrugged it off.

“Why?”

“Because I like you better than I like them.”

Rey smiled up at him, into his eyes that held so much. No one else knew what was behind them – how sweet he was, or how he could be funny. Maybe that was why they were so dark, because they held so much. Like they had back on the Flacon before Chewie had reprimanded them, Ben and Rey stole a kiss like they were any other wholly unremarkable people in the galaxy. She couldn’t tell him she loved him now. If she did, it would be too easy for her to give up, knowing that he knew, if it ever came to that. What else would she have to do, after she made sure Ben knew that she loved him? No, to tell him now would be too dangerous for both of them, would make it too easy to let go. She’d wait until everything was over, until she could say it and be safe. Although, as she remembered the chill in her spine just moments ago when she’d been so unsure of what Ben was about to say to Luke, she didn’t know if those two things were possible.


	13. Part 13

_I love you._

Ben blinked his eyes open. Rey hadn’t spoken, she was still fast asleep, right beside him. The Lanai had, in fact, made them a more comfortable bed, like he and Rey had discussed they’d need on the base on Crait. They seemed to be the only beings in the galaxy who understood that Ben was there to end the fighting, not to be a part of it. He assumed that was because they had thousands of years of experience in handling the Jedi. After an exhausting day of travelling, attempting to get his uncle to consider training them, sparring (Rey insisted that they not get out of fighting shape), learning to communicate with the Lanai, and then trying to figure out ways to further appeal to Luke, they’d rinsed off in the ocean before returning to their designated hut. Rey had made love to Ben, which was the only way he could describe it. It was hardly a two person effort that time. After his declaration to Luke, she must have been feeling particularly fond of him, and he certainly didn’t mind. 

When he was little, his parents used to bicker about one thing or another; it was a constant flow of verbal sniping back and forth, like a contest to see who could leave the other speechless with rage, confusion, or even sometimes it seemed, love. Ben could always feel that they never meant it, not truly, not in their hearts. However angry his mother was with his father, all he had to do was be sweet to her and her defenses started crumbling. She’d forgive him after a few compliments, or at most a couple of hours of trying to get back on her good side. There were never any raised voices or slammed doors, and after his mother was back to rolling her eyes good-naturedly at him, his dad would wink at Ben like it was a private joke. “Women,” he’d sometimes shake his head. Ben didn’t get it then, but he did now. Although, he didn’t necessarily think this was a big secret of the universe. Women liked it when you weren’t harsh, when you were kind - anyone liked it better when a person was that way to them. Still, the thought of Han winking at him across the dinner table, wrapping his arms around his mother and pulling her into his lap as she protested and insisted she was still annoyed with him through her laughter…for the first time Ben thought it would have been nice if he was there. 

But he wasn’t. Because of Ben.

Afterwards, he and Rey had fallen asleep, as usual, until he’d woken up just now. He watched closely as Rey’s chest rose slowly and fell with every breath. She was definitely asleep. Had he only dreamt he’d heard what she’d said, or what he’d thought she’d said? He must have…

Ben had closed his eyes and was about to drift off again when he heard Rey’s voice. _But I’m so afraid._

So it _had_ been her. She’d thought so hard and so loud that she’d woken him up. How had she managed not to say it out loud, if she felt this strongly about it? Ben had promised not to look into her mind, but she wasn’t just opening and inviting him, her subconscious was practically throwing the thoughts in his direction. It became a little clearer, then, why she wasn’t saying anything, why she was afraid. He saw her screaming for her parents to come back for her, spending all of those years alone in the desert. He saw Han falling into the abyss. He saw Luke turning his back on her, again, and again. He saw the look of disgust on Finn’s face - Finn, her first friend, the first person she’d truly cared for since she could remember - when she took up for Ben. One by one, he watched her lose everyone she loved. 

But surely, she had to know that _he_ would never do that? Hadn’t they been telling each other that from the moment they’d touched hands? Still, in her fears in the back of her mind, Ben disappeared back onto the Supremacy with Hux and Phasma as she fell to her knees, screaming herself hoarse for him to please come back, just as she’d done with her parents.

He wanted to shake her awake just so he could tell her that he would never do that, but her next thought his him then. _I want so much with you._ Before he could wonder what that meant, she showed him.

They were on the Falcon, dressed like two incredibly important people. Some entity had risen in the galaxy with the intent to do harm and they were carrying out their jobs, en route to wherever the disturbance was, to stop it. Their heads were bent together, they were discussing strategy, and they were sure that they were doing the right thing, that they would be successful.

They were back on Ahch-To, half-practicing, half-being playful. Luke watched them, a smile on his face. He was proud of them. He believed in them. They lived, for the most part, peacefully.

Ben was on his knees in front of Rey, his ear pressed to her swollen belly. He heard a small thumping sound. His son.

The Lanai nurses attended to Rey as she clamped down on his hand, grit her teeth, and tried not to pass out. A shrill wail broke into the room. The nurses got louder, obviously in celebration, before placing the tiny boy swaddled in a blanket in Ben’s arms. He seemed too small for Ben’s large and clumsy body. How could he possibly be holding onto something this tiny, this fragile? The baby’s skin was furiously pink, which matched the anger of the wail coming from the back of his small throat. His lips wobbled around his toothless gums. Ben lifted the baby to his mouth, kissed the top of his head, inhaled some scent that made him feel like he was floating among the stars. The baby’s crying stopped. Ben looked down at him, his son blinking, recognizing his father for the first time with his wide, dark eyes. “Hello,” he smiled. “Hello my boy.”

They were on the shore of Ahch-To, the three of them. Rey called out for them to be careful. Their boy squealed with delight, his dark curls bouncing as he chased the waves into the sea, then ran from them again as they washed up on the shore. Ben ran after him, lifting their son above his head, kissing his round belly. The boy let out a sprinkle of laughter.

They sat on their bed, their son in Ben’s lap. Ben ran his fingers though the boy’s curly hair. “Gentle now,” he cautioned as the boy peered into the bundle of blankets in the crook of Rey’s elbow; their daughter wrapped up, safe and warm. Rey looked up at him, exhausted, but so proud of what they’d made together. Ben kissed her forehead, loving more than he ever thought he’d love. He wasn’t angry. He wasn’t afraid. He was happy. Blissfully, completely happy.

Back in the bed on the island, Ben wiped his tears from his face. He’d never cried so much in his life, he didn’t think. Rey saw them so clearly, being happy. It wasn’t impossible, it wasn’t even difficult. It was so easy. It was so easy to do their jobs togehter, to love each other, to love their children. What had Ben been doing his whole life, being so afraid? What was there to fear? Nothing. Ben feared nothing. Not Luke refusing to teach them, not attacking the First Order. He felt, for the first time since he’d been left to train with his uncle, hope.

And then it started over again. _I love you. But I’m so afraid. I want so much with you._

Ben let out all of the air in his lungs. Poor Rey. Poor sweet, innocent, good Rey. He wished she’d wake up. He wished she’d say what she was thinking out loud. He wished she’d give him a chance to reassure her. Since he wouldn’t wake her (she looked so peaceful), he gently pressed his forehead to hers, and hoped he could penetrate her dreams while thinking, _I love you, too. Don’t be afraid. We’ll have so much together._

Eventually, he went back to sleep, and the next time he woke up, Rey was getting dressed. A porg had gotten into the hut somehow and was picking through the pile of his clothes. Ben propped himself up on one arm. “Where are you going?”

Rey turned around to him. Her face was clear and open, like their daughter’s had been when she’d dreamt of her last night. Nothing was there now, though. Gone was any trace of the thoughts of their future or their family. “I was going to go talk to Luke. Maybe we took the wrong approach with him yesterday. We could try to reason with him better, he might listen then.”

Ben didn’t think that would work, but he’d let her try, if it meant that much to her. “Okay,” he nodded. She went to leave the hut, but Ben reached out for her hand. “Rey,” he started. When she looked down at him, though, he realized that he didn’t need to say anything. He’d tell her in time, that he loved her, that he’d love their life together, that he’d love their children. But he’d wait for her to say it to him, on purpose this time.

Finally, Rey shook her head, confused. “What?”

“Nothing,” Ben coughed. “I’ll um…see if Chewie made breakfast.”

She leaned down and placed a kiss on his mouth. “He’s not your butler, Ben,” she teased before leaving to find Luke. But, like she left behind the scent of her skin, she left behind a trace of her thoughts. For a split second, he saw in shadows their son following her out the door, chin up, brave face on.

Ben rolled over on his back and stared up at the brick ceiling. He closed his eyes and reached deep back into his own mind. 

Early in the morning, like this. He and Rey asleep on their sides, holding hads. Their arms draped over their daugher’s slender shoulders, and their son’s skinny ankles while the two kids slept between them. “Good morning,” Rey smiled at him.

“Don’t wake them up,” Ben whispered.

It was pointless. Chewie burst through the door then. “Rise and shine, little Solos! Chewie attack!”

The kids shot out of bed, screaming with laughter, running circles around Chewie as he picked one or both of them up and tossed them around, the same way he used to do with Ben. He and Rey got up, too, joining in the game. He kissed their children all over their sweet faces. Just like in Rey’s dream, they were beautifully, simply happy.


	14. Part 14

Rey was still trying to shake off her dreams when she left the hut where she and Ben were staying, and started looking for Luke. Not that they hadn’t been good dreams - they had, she thought. Certainly she’d been happy in them. Rey had never had the luxury of thinking about her life in these terms before, so it was no wonder why those thought had never penetrated her dreams. Of course, those were all things she wanted with Ben, when she actually thought about it…but she _didn’t_ think about it. Since she’d run into Finn and BB, her life had mostly been about the next hour, next minute, next second. When she did plan ahead it was mostly in terms of peacemaking - with Ben and the Resistance, with the galaxy in the future. Even the parts she’d come up with for she and Ben’s future hadn’t gone so far as to include _children_.

And yet, there they’d shown up last night, so real Rey could hear their laughs and feel their soft, warm skin. First a boy with Ben’s dark curls, then a little girl. Once rey had awoken to find it was just a dream, her heart had actually broken a little bit. She didn’t know them, they weren’t _real_ , but she already loved them.

_Children_ , she thought to herself, hopping over a small ravine. Would she even be a good mother? She hadn’t even wondered anything slightly resembling that question before, but she suddenly cared now. Between she and Ben, she wasn’t sure they’d gotten blessed with examples of perfect parenting. Sure, though, that wasn’t hereditary? They could learn to be good parents on their own…couldn’t they? Or was is just a cycle that would repeat itself over and over again until, well, forever? An Anakin, a Luke, a Kylo Ren, then whatever came next; their children, she supposed. And if it was cyclical, then was is responsible for she and Ben to have children? If there was the possibility that _their_ children would be more prone to - to put it plainly - murder?

Again, Rey shook her head. This was ridiculous. Children? Grandchildren? She didn’t even know what was going to happen with Luke in the next five minutes, let alone what was going to happen with Ben in the next fifty years. Besides, she couldn’t get too attached to their fictional children, not only because they weren’t real, but also because what if she and Ben were wrong? What if they weren’t successful against the First Order? What if Ben…well, what if something happened to him?

Actually, that was another thought Rey had never had before. Maybe only in the hypothetical on the periphery, framing it in terms of a situation in which they were separated. In those scenarios she had no doubt in her mind that they’d find each other. The bond they shared could be inter-planetary and surely there was never going to be anyone as strong as Snoke or the First Order that they’d have to fight off. Of course they’d find their way back; in fact, they could do that with relative ease. But what if the thing that separated them wasn’t distance? What if they were separated by life itself?

Aside from the heartbreak, Rey thought she may seriously need to consider this. She’d lost people before, she could do it again. Of course Ben would be the most significant loss to suffer and she wasn’t sure she’d make it out with all of her sanity in tact but surely, one day, she’d be able to walk and talk and eat and fight. Outside of her own reaction, though, what would happen in the Force? She knew that to question it was useless, and to have the audacity to assume that she’d find the answer was downright dangerous. But the truth of the matter was that before Ben had come into her life, it had been more or less meaningless, and before she’d come into his, it had been painful and rife with heartbreak and disappointment. Luke had said that the night they’d been together for the first time, he’d sensed a calm and peace in the Force. So if Ben didn’t survive (that was an easier thought for her to have than the more grusome verb she was pondering over), or she didn’t, what then? Actually, Rey could probably assume Ben’s reaction. It would be, in short, horrific.

Well that solved that then. All they had to do was survive. Easy.

To her surprise, Rey found Luke meditating on the outward facing rock pile he’d taken her to. “I thought you were done with the Force.”

At first, Luke didn’t respond and Rey thought he may have been so far into his meditating that he didn’t hear her. “When Master Yoda tells you to do something, you do it,” he answered her eventually. Slowly, he turned around. “What I told you yesterday was the truth, Rey. I’m sorry if you and my nephew wanted a different answer, but there’s nothing I can do to help you.”

Rey shrugged. “I don’t believe that,” she replied simply. “The pull to the Dark Side is strong in Ben, stronger than you and I could understand. But you _can_ help him. You’ve been seduced by the Dark Side at your own moments, you know what it’s like to come back from it. You can even show him how to train himseld to try and seek out the light. It might have to be a conscious decision for him to make, and it won’t come to him naturally like it does to you, but you can do it.”

Luke hopped off the stone. “I don’t think that’s something you can teach someone, how to not inherently be who you are.”

“Kylo Ren isn’t who he is,” she insisted. “You played your own hand in that.”

“Exactly. And yet, you refuse to let me learn from my mistakes. Don’t you kids know that at some point you’re just going to have to learn to help yourselves?”

“Even if you _can’t_ help Ben resist the Dark Side, even if that is something we have to do all on our own, why won’t you help us with the Resistance?”

At this, Luke let out a tired sigh and lowered his eyes. It was the first sign of anything other than stubborness that Rey had seen in him, maybe ever. “My nephew was very important to me. I loved him more than I thought I would, more than I was prepared for. And I still love him. But I’ll tell you the same thing I told my sister when she asked me three days ago. I don’t know if that man,” he pointed to the direction of their hut, “can ever go back to being my nephew.”

“But you know he wants to, you can feel how badly he wants to.”

Luke nodded. “I can. I can see hwo much you two care for each other, and I don’t need the Force to do that, either. I wanted to know who you were and where you came from and I realize that I was asking the wrong questions. My place in the galaxy was determined by my past. Yours isn’t. You and Ben are a part of something bigger than most people could ever imagine or believe. But I don’t know what that is yet.”

Rey swallowed. She knew Luke wasn’t going to like what they thought their future held, and he definitely wasn’t going to like hwo sure they were that they were right. “We actually have a theory about that.” When he didn’t say anything, Rey continued explaining. “We think that with the combination of he and I, the dark and the light, that we were probably meant to bring about a balance. For…for the galaxy. And the Force.”

Luke raised an eyebrow. “You’re telling me that I’m supposed to believe that hald of the fate of the galaxy rests on the kid who I once watched chase his own shadow for an hour?”

Rey smiled at the thought of Ben, who in her imagination looked just like the little boy she’d dreamt of last night, discovering his shadow for the first time with a squeal of surprise and wonder. “He doesn’t do that anymore,” she assured him.

“What did I tell you about getting arrogant enough to assume you know what the Force wants?”

“I know,” she nodded. “I know that. And I don’t want to make that mistake. I know that I’m not…that’s not for us to decide. But nothing else makes sense. We’re opposites in almost every way, except we have a bond that can’t be explained or ignored.”

Luke rolled his eyes. “It’s called a crush, Rey. It happens every day.”

“Not to me. And not to Ben. And not to the Jedi,” she pointed out. “Besides, it’s more than that. The Force has literally brought us together, you saw it yourself.”

Luke considered this for longer than he’d considered anything else she’d said since she’d met him. He hadn’t considered anything at all, so that didn’t have to be a long time, but for some reason something had gotten through to him. Rey held her breath. After several long seconds, Luke shouted, “BEN!” so suddenly that it made Rey jump.

It didn’t take long for Ben to come running up to meet them, his cheeks a little flushed, his hair a mess once again. Rey instinctively smiled at the sight of him. What had he been doing, she wondered, while she’d been up here with Luke? Not for any reason, she just wanted to know about the past half hour of his life. When had she gone so _soft_? It would have disgusted her if it was anyone else behaving this way. “Yes?” he asked.

Luke studied him, took a few steps closer to him so that they were face to face. Ben was taller but it certainly didn’t seem that way from the look on Luke’s face. It was tense and Rey wasn’t sure that the two men wouldn’t come to blows. After a whithering once over, Luke instructed, “Tell me you’re sorry.”

Rey’s heart dropped. She didn’t think this was a test Ben would pass. He was sorry, but he was also stubborn, and that was an intimate admission to make. He hadn’t even said that to Rey, not that he was sorry about what Luke was asking. “What?” Ben scoffed, clearly thinking the request was pointless.

Luke didn’t back down and Rey thought about Leia telling her that the Skywalkers generally didn’t do that. In fact, he looked just as headstrong and up for a fight as any of them - the general, Ben, Rey herself. “For killing my students, for your father, for all of it. Tell me you’re sorry, _truly_ sorry. Not because Rey wants you to be, because you mean it.”

Rey wasn’t looking into Ben’s throughts, but she knew exactly what he was thinking nonetheless. He shouldn’t have to say the words. His being here should have served as apology enough. Obviously if he had no regrets he never would have changed his life and how he lived it. 

His jaw and fist clenched.

It was also worth noting, Rey thought, that he, too, was owed an apology. He was the one who had awoken in the middle of the night to find his uncle, the galaxy’s alleged beacon of all that was good and pure, towering over him with an activated lightsaber. It took everything in Rey not to demaned an apology right back. That would only prove Luke right, though. It would prove that they were too impulsive and immature to be serious about what they were trying to do here, not yet ready for that kind of responsibility. She couldn’t help him with this one, which she hated, and a romantic speech about how much she meant to him wouldn’t do the trick, either. (Although she wouldn’t have hated it if he tried…)

Ben’s jaw clenched again. Rey honestly had no idea how this was going to go before Ben opened his mouth. “I am sorry,” he nodded. “For all of it. It seems like such a waste now. But nothing that I can say to you here and now or anywhere at any time will make it up to you. I can apologize for what I’ve done. I can live my life only doing good from here on out. But if won’t make you feel better about what happened. And that’s just going to have to be something I live with.”

Rey bit down on her bottom lip and watched as Luke reached out, placing his hand firmly on Ben’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Ben,” he said, maintaining eye contact with Ben that was so geniune and meaningful that rey could tell it was making him uncomfortable. “I’m sorry about that night. And I’m sorry that I couldn’t have helped you more.” Ben nodded his acceptance and, with an exhale, Luke reached into his robes. “Well. Okay then,” he concluded, producing what looked like a mini, spherical droid and making for where the uneti tree had been. When he realized that his two potential apprentices weren’t following him, just staring at each other, trying to figure out what was happening, he barked, “What are you waiting for? An invitation? Come on.” With that, he tossed the droid-looking ball into the air, where it hovered and seemed to activate. After a few seconds, it shot a tiny blast at Ben that he’d been unprepared for. It hit him on the shoulder.

“Hey!” he winced, and rubbed his miniature wound.

Luke shook his head. “The galaxy is doomed. Now come on. You two are the ones who came up with this brilliant idea.”

“So…so you’ll do it?” Rey asked in disbelief. “You’ll train us?”

Luke pointed a finger at her. “Don’t make me regret it.”

She could have cheered she was so happy. Instead, she smiled and gave Ben’s arm an excited squeeze. “Good job,” he smiled back at her. Then, gesturing to the hovering droid, warned, “Be careful with that thing. It’s sneaky.”

“Afer the two massive battles we’ve fought together, I’m sure we can defeat a ball.” She had spoken too soon, however, and let out a yelp as a mini-blast sizzled on her shin.


End file.
